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ARCHIVES ----------------------------------------- AUGUST 14, 2003 KYLIE IRELAND INTERVIEW I
caught up with Kylie Ireland recently as she was preparing to leave
for a trip back home to Colorado. Funny, but has anyone else noticed
th high percentage of porn chicks who hail fom that great state?
Anyway, who cares about that? Here’s what Kylie had to say. BISEXUALBRITNI RETIRES From the desk of BisexualBritni comes the following: “Yes, you read correctly. I, BisexualBritni, am officially announcing my retirement from active participation in adult video work. I have accomplished everything I set out to accomplish and then some, in the last 3 years. I have starred in 250 movies, appeared in 70 adult magazines and won just about every award an adult actress can possibly win. I have attained every lofty title and contact I was told, early on, I would never be able to attain. My website is unbeaten in fan polls and even beat Jenna Jameson's site last January in the Rog Reviews fan based contest. A task no one said I could accomplish though I ended up scoring the most lop sided victory in the history of the competition. For me, it is simply time to move on. I told myself, a year ago, the very second being in porn was more like a job then it was simply having sex to have sex, that I would pack it up and move on. That day has arrived. I am so busy with family, being a publicist, coordinating and building other people's sites and various other business ventures, I simply lack the time to run my adult career and site in the dedicated way I once did. I would rather not run my own site then run a second rate site that is not updated in the timely manner, with great new content, like people have come to expect. I want to get back to sex for sex's sake and not always feel compelled to point a camera at it. My retirement from the adult video industry is not, however, absolute. Will I still, if invited, participate in movies with movie makers I really enjoy? Absolutely. If Max Hardcore, Rodney Moore, Jewel DeNyle and an additional select few, ask me to perform with/for them, I would surely accept their offer. So, do not be surprised when you see me in the occasional new release even though I am retired. Of course, I will remain an active swinger and loud proponent of civil liberties. Just recently, I was submitted as a potential board member for the Internet Freedom Association (http://www.i-freedom.org/), an honor I will happily accept if the members vote to retain me. The IFLA is a large group of constitutional lawyers, scholars and other such types who simply want to band together, discuss current and future political environments and plan a course of action that assists in ensuring our children will still be protected by the 1st amendment when they grow up. The IFLA sponsors seminars and educational forums as we all being the watch dog and early warning system for the adult entertainment industry and the Internet as a whole. This is an organization I will dedicate a great of time towards, if I am selected as a board member. http://www.i-freedom.org/. Of course, you can still see me, live and in person, at PT's Show Club in Denver, Colorado any Friday night. I dance as Britni so feel free to stop in and say hello. I love to chat with fans of my work and never tire of such conversations.” Enough said. ¡ORALE PUES, ESES! ALEXIS AMORE TO HOST LOWRIDER SHOW From the desk of Jill Kelly Productions comes the following item: “Alexis Amore, Jill Kelly contract star, is set to host a new weekly show titled "Low Lo's". This show will encompass all areas of the "low rider" lifestyle and is written and hosted with a Latin flavor, and is targeted to all of those that share the common bond of lowriding. The program will air weekly throughout the greater Los Angeles and Inland Empire [San Bernadino County, folk. —Ed.] on local cable access channel 77.” BRITNI HOSTS A RETIREMENT PARTY BisexualBritni
(now just calling herself Britni) has announced her retitrement
and, with that, she’s now hosting a retirement party. If you’re
going to be in Colorado Springs on August 16th, you might want to
check it out. Here’s the word straight from her desk: “Come
Celebrate my retirement at Appaloosa Strip Club, 5975 Terminal Ave
Colorado Springs, CO 80915. Enjoy an evening of Executive Class
Wining, Dining and Dancing! --------------------- AUGUST 12, 2003 SINEPLEX LAUNCHES AUGUSTXXX.COM Those wacky kids at Sineplex Entertainment have announced a launch party their latest venture, www.augustxxx.com. The event, which promises to be one of the wildest this industry’s seen in quite some time, will take place on August 22 at the famed On the Rox, located at 9009 Sunset Blvd. Augustxxx.com will be the official website for adult film actress August...duh. The dusky jewel has, to date, appeared in over 100 adult films. The folks at Sineplex’s website division will be hosting and updating her site on a regular basis, so it’s sure to be an ever-evolving, ever-exciting place to check in and browse. As an incentive, the first three people to log on to the site will be put on the guest list...plus a guest. “I am very excited to have Sineplex do my site,” says August. “They have a strong team behind them. Sineplex has great technical abilities as well as a marketing department to help push my site. That was the main reason I chose them to build my site.” The party will be open to all people in the adult industry. Want to get on the guest list? RSVP to rsvp@sineplex.com or call Travis Nestor at (818) 994-9009. The event will also be a release party for Sineplex’s newest line “Gooey Buns.” The event promises to be a lot of fun. And, besides, what else are you doing on August 22? DAVID LUGAR’S “DOUBLE ANAL PLUGGED” Okay, don’t read that wrong. David Lugar is NOT being double-anal plugged, okay? David Lugar Productions, distributed by Red Light District will be available beginning on August 13 in both VHS and DVD formats. Starring an international cast of hotties who do the most vile and incredible things with their bodies, “Double Anal Plugged” stars Vivienne La Roche (Czech Republic), Trinity (Hungary), Sarah O‘Neil (Czech Republic), Cristina (Brazil) and Sandra Romain (Romania). Also on hand will be a host of well-known studs. Besides the double-anal antics which is, of course, the dividing line between slut and super-slut, the movie will also include double vaginal penetration, DPs, the ever-popular ass-to-mouth action and lots of cum gargling. Shot in Hungary, the Czech Republic and Brazil, “Double Anal Plugged” is just the thing for those summertime blues...and if John Ashcroft and his minions have their way, it might be one of the last times you’ll be able to see this kind of action. Jump on it now. DEAR MARY BETH BUCHANAN... Speaking of the minions of John Ashcroft, one needs to meet U.S. Attorney Mary Beth Buchanan, who, judging by her name, is a good Catholic girl, and is in charge of prosecuting the case in Pennsylvania against Rob Black, Lizzie Borden and Extreme Associates. Mary Beth told CNSNews.com: "There has been very little enforcement of the federal obscenity laws in the last 10 years." Nah. Really? With the indictment against Extreme, however, Mary Beth says, "the pornography industry is now on notice that the Justice Department is now taking steps to enforce federal obscenity laws." Oooooh, with the threat of psycho-terrorists plotting to aerosolize smallpox and other highly infectious diseases, crash jetliners into office buildings and kill American citizens in supermarkets and shopping malls, I can’t think of a better use of the government’s time. Headmaster, uh, U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft, who took over the Justice Department in 2001 signaled that he would revive the Justice Department's anti-pornography efforts, but was sidelined by that little even of 9/11, has now decided to charge full-speed ahead with the indictment of Extreme Associates. No dicking around from Ashcroft now that the terrorist threat is firmly under control. "Today's indictment [against Extreme Associates] marks an important step in the Department of Justice's strategy for attacking the proliferation of adult obscenity," Ashcroft was quoted as saying. “The Justice Department will continue to focus our efforts on targeted obscenity prosecutions that will deter others from producing and distributing obscene material. I congratulate the U.S. Attorney for the Western District of Pennsylvania, the U.S. Postal Inspectors and our other partners whose hard work and dedication made these charges possible." The folks at Morality in Media, some of whom are still worried about which one of the Teletubbies is gay, are turing cartwheels of joy. The organization’s spokesman, Patrick McGrath has said of the Extreme bust, "We see it as what we hope is the proverbial first step in a journey of a thousand miles. We know that there are other cases in the works, and we just think that this is what we hope is the first of many obscenity prosecutions." Maybe it’s time we all remember what learned in school: duck and cover. SOUTHERN-FRIED HOTTIE GAUGE IS PISSED One
of the joys of working at Hustler was getting to interview hot little
porn stars. My all-time favorite? Gauge. And not because she’s
so freaking sexy. She just has no filter between her brain and her
mouth, and that made for some of the best interview material ever.
Apparently pissed at the tactic of cyber-squatting, Gauge is naming
names. Her target? David Lace. In Gauge’s own words: "David
Lace, I'll even say his name, he's a closet fucking drunk on vodka.
It's like I never knew he was a drunk, until one time and he, like,
keeps it in, like he hides a gallon of it somewhere in his little
office. But he got drunk and got pissed off at me. I was one of
his most reliable girls that would work for him. He could always
depend on me. I got a lot of new girls doing girl-girl when they
first came into the business. Anyhow, he just gets drunk and goes
on the Internet and just takes every domain name he can think of
that I would possibly want to use." Well, you go girl! You
don’t have to take that shit of anyone. Readers, I am trying
to get Gauge to do one of her inimitable interviews here, and if
past performances are any indication, it ought to tear the roof
off the sucker. Gauge, you HAVE to get in touch with me. --------------------------------------------- AUGUST 11, 2003 WILL MARY CAREY PLEASE SHUT UP? Publicity whore Mary Carey appeared on LA’s popular “Kevin and Bean Show” on KROQ FM this morning, and has announced an upcoming appearance on the Howard Stern Show as well. Her topic? What else? Her nonstop, blathering blitz on her “run” for California governor. Not content to give her already ludicrous “campaigning” a weekend rest, Carey yammered on Saturday night as a guest on the Fox News Channel's show Heartland. Carey excoriated John Ashcroft and his blitzkrieg on Extreme Associates. Speaking as if she actually understood the economics of porn beyond getting paid a day rate for a blowjob, Carey said "When they asked me about the budget, I told them that John Ashcroft has started a campaign of harassment against the adult industry by trying to shut down one of our companies. I told them how it's a $4 billion business and how by getting rid of pornography they're basically getting rid of a large amount of taxable income for the state of California. I was really happy I did that. I never dreamed that I would be on a political show." Uh, Mary? It was Fox News. They don’t really count as “news.” WILL TRICIA DEVEREAUX PLEASE SHUT UP? Remember the good old days when porn chicks just turned over, had stuff jammed up their butts and said such profound things as “Oh, baby!”? Well, now every porn squack seems to be an expert in some area, and no real men are stepping up to the plate to quiet them the tried and true way: by stuffing a stiff cock down their gullets. The latest offender? Tricia Devereaux . Writing in on another website, Devereaux is appalled at the way women are referred to in porn’s modern age. “...For any porn producer/director out there who believes this [using degrading language to describe the girls], those GIRLS have made you a hell of a lot of money, and if for no other reason than that, you should treat them with respect. I don’t believe in trash talking to get attention. It’s low, and it means that your product isn’t worthy of attention on its own.” Wow. I always knew there was a deeper, subtle level of respect in all those anal-themed Evil Angel videos. Now, will you please shut the fuck up? EXTREME ASSOCIATES POPPED The Associate Press reports on the trouble facing Rob Black, Lizzie Borden and Extreme Associates: “A California couple and their company were indicted by a federal grand jury for allegedly distributing obscene materials, and federal authorities in Pennsylvania said they were planning more prosecutions after years of lax enforcement. Robert Zicari and Janet Romano, both of Los Angeles' Northridge section, and their company, Extreme Associates, were indicted for distributing three videos to a "sting" address in Pittsburgh through the mail and six images over the Internet, U.S. Attorney Mary Beth Buchanan said yesterday. "The lack of enforcement of our federal obscenity laws during the mid- to late-1990s has led to a proliferation of obscenity throughout the United States," Buchanan said at a news conference yesterday. She was joined by U.S. Postal Service and Justice Department officials and Vance Proctor, captain of the Los Angeles Police Department's organized crime and vice division, all of whom participated in the investigation. Authorities said they ordered videos and had them mailed to Pittsburgh. They also took out a Web site membership. Zicari, 29, and Romano, 26, who authorities say also use the names Rob Black and Lizzie Borden, surrendered their passports and must appear at an arraignment in Pittsburgh on Aug. 27. The charges carry a maximum penalty of 50 years in prison and a $2.5 million fine for Zicari and Romano, and probation and a $5 million fine for the company, Buchanan said.” Meanwhile, terrorists bent on the destruction of the America continue to plot. WILL ROBERT W. PETERS PLEASE SHUT UP? From U.S. Newswire: “Robert W. Peters, president of Morality in Media, and Dorn Checkley, president of Pittsburgh Coalition Against Pornography, had these comments on the announcement by U.S. Attorney Mary Beth Buchanan that her Pittsburgh office has initiated a Federal obscenity prosecution against Extreme Associates, a Los Angeles-based pornographer: ‘Obscenity violations are not victimless crimes. Individuals harmed include porn performers (many in their teens), children and adults who become addicted to hardcore pornography, children and adults who are sexually abused and raped by hardcore pornography addicts, spouses of hardcore pornography addicts, and men and women who acquire (directly or indirectly) STDs, including AIDS, from sexual activities in adult businesses. Commercial distribution of obscenity also erodes the right of every American to live and work in a decent society and pours millions into the coffers of organized crime. Another theme espoused by defenders of hardcore pornography is that the widespread availability of this material is proof of community acceptance. If that is true, then most Americans must now accept (and presumably often enjoy) hardcore sex material that is DIRTY, FILTHY, NASTY, SMUTTY, LEWD, EXPOSED, RAUNCHY, DECADENT, NAUGHTY, as one pornographer described its product line in a paid ad. Other words that come to mind when describing hardcore porn in general are ADDICTIVE, DANGEROUS, DEBASED, DEGRADING, PERVERSE, SICK BEYOND DESCRIPION, and VIOLENT.” Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!!!!!!!!!! Michael
Louis Albo --------------------------- AUGUST 8, 2003 PLEASURE’S TRINITY GOES HAUTE COUTURE From the news desk of Pleasure Productions comes the following: “Just weeks into her contract with Pleasure Productions, new contract girl Trinity has landed a mainstream modeling gig with upstart and hip clothing company, Third Rail, as a face for their new WASP line. Trinity joined fellow adult star, Sky Lopez, as the main focus of a barrage of print campaigns due to hit mainstream magazines such as Revolver, Details Magazine and Wake Boarding in the following months. The porn star duo forms the "Queen Wasp Team" and will represent and promote the line for Third Rail in mainstream shows and events including The X Games and MAGIC, one of the apparel industry's biggest and most influential trade shows. "I'm really excited with this opportunity to represent a quality clothier like Third Rail. Signing with Pleasure has certainly opened some doors for me. I look forward to doing some awesome scenes and having a great run with them!" said an enthused Trinity. WASP Industries is a clothing company specializing in motocross gear and apparel. It is a division of Third Rail. They are mainly geared towards the freestyle motocross scene and sponsor some of the best riders on the circuit. They are getting a reputation as the "bad boys" of motocross because of their unorthodox ways and views including the use of adult film stars to represent their line.” Okay, so now you know. PERVERTED LITTLE SLUTS Travis Nestor from Sineplex Entertainment sent me the foollowing press release. Sounds like something to look forward to: “Sineplex Entertainment will release the second installment of the highly popular Sky’s Perversion series on August 13th, 2003. This is the second video shot by Sky Lopez. Sky’s Perversion’s #2 is an all girl video, featuring some of the brightest new stars in the adult entertainment industry “I got these nasty little sluts to do some stuff that even shocked me. We have hot little 19-year old, Destiny jamming suckers into Cali’s ass.” Said director Sky Lopez. “These chicks are just plain dirty. If you thought my first video was good you will love the second.” Sky’s Perversion’s #2 will be released simultaneously on DVD and VHS. The VOD will be available online at www.gtflix.com. The video also features; Velvet Rose, Elizabeth, Destiny, Dani, Calli, Brandi. Sky’s Perversion’s #2 also features a bondage scene with Sky Lopez, Taylor St. Claire and Jewell Marcell. A free trailer and galleries are available at: www.sineplex.com/html/dvd_info_sky2.htm. HOW EXTREME CAN YOU GET? The fine folks at Extreme Associates have outdone themselves with the release of Lizzy Borden’s “Cocktails 2.” After hearing about this one, I’m wondering how they’ll ever be able to top this one...and what kind of tweaker would actually get off to this kind of material. One of the video’s stars, Dusk Delmar, reaches new lows when she samples her own fecal concoction. According to Borden, "She shits out chunks!" Yummy. “Cocktails 2” also features Taylor St. Claire, Veronica Caine, Justine Romee and Keri Starr. Borden hypes the new video in her own inimitable fashion, “If you've seen Part 1, Part 2 is a lot more intense. Taylor St. Claire does a scene that's over 20 minutes that's just intense." In the scene, St. Claire gets her head dunked in a toilet, eats her own vomit and gets pissed on for the “directors cut” which will be available via the Extreme website. Following St. Claire’s lead, Veronica Caine swallows puke through a funnel while Keri Starr prefers drinking it out of shot glasses. Oh, and all the girls do DPs. Sounds like god, wholesome family entertainment...if your family’s name is Manson. WHO COULD THEY BE? Earlier this week, I made reference to a “Daddy Big Bucks” and a “Baby Blowjob.” A couple of readers have offered their guess at to who these two might be. So far, nobody;s guessed correctly. The funny thing is that the answer is so freaking easy and plain to see that I’m surprised that the two people in question haven’t been calling me up and making the types of typically hollow threats they’ve been known to toss about so casually in the past. So in honor of Daddy Big Bucks and Baby Blowjob, I’m starting a contest. The first person to correctly identify the pair will win free adult videos. Send your answers to me at j45guitar@aol.com. Good luck. Michael
Louis Albo ------------------- AUGUST 7, 2003 HAVE YOU SEEN THE REAL ME? An interesting e-mail arrived late last night from someone calling himself t-bird. The message went as follows: “Albo, you suck! You used to be funny, sarcastic and took no prisoners when you were with Hustler Erotic Video Guide. Now you’re just a pansy. Everybody’s wonderful and and everything’s great in your new outlook on the porn industry. Face it, doing an about face isn’t going to get you hired on with anybody, so why don’t you just give it up, cut the shit and get back to doing what you so best: telling it like it is? What’s the matter? Are you afraid the boys at AVN won’t approve? Quit being such a pussy and speak your mind.” Well, uh, Mr. t-bird, you’ve certainly brought up some valid points. Unfortunately, that’s not what I’m being paid to do at the moment. If things change, I’ll be happy to revert to old habits. Trust me, there are some people out there who are in dire need of a verbal ass-kicking, and perhaps a bit more. I can’t, of course, name names, but let’s just refer to them as Daddy Big Bucks and Baby Blowjob, both of whom can kiss my ass. But, like I said, that’s not in my current mission statement, so they are, for the moment being spared. Actually, if the truth be known, both are about as colorless as a glass of tap water, but minus the taste, and like all morons who believe they hold all the cards, they’re just setting themselves up for a hard fall. I already am aware of problems they’re encountering in their endeavors to be relevant, but they’re not wise enough to see the possible solutions. All I can do is wish them luck. There? Are you happy now? Now quit trying to make me out to be the bad guy. It’s the new Summer of Love and I want to be its Sergeant Pepper, so just leave me be. PAR-TAAAAY! Despite the increasing “corporatizing” of porn, there’s still a few outlaws who like to cut loose in public and have a good time. Thank the good Lord for companies like Exquisite Pleasures and its pals Rodney Moore, Max Hardcore, Bionca and Justin Slayer who, on Saturday, August 23, will be hosting a little soiree they call “Hawaiian Summer Bash.” The event will take place at LA’s famed Cat Club located next door to the Whiskey A-Go-Go at 8911 Sunset Boulevard. Doors open at 8 pm and the evening promises to be one where anything could happen what with the volatile combo of exotic drinks and porn celebrities, some of whom will actually be serving the libations. All that and a VIP lap dance room. Want to go? To be placed on the guest list, e-mail steviee@rodneymoore.com. A splendid time is assured for the adventurous. SO YOU WANT TO BE A WRITER? First came news of Jenna Jameon’s six-figure publishing deal with Regan Books. Then a growing list of porn starlets have been added to the staffs of various adult-oriented publications (although some poor associate editor has to untangle the mangled syntax as part of his job description while the starlet gets the glory and a tidy fee). Now comes word that Las Vegas Novelties contract star Jacklyn Lick will be signing on as a columnist for RockConfidential.com. According to their press release, Lick is quoted as saying, "I have always been a huge fan of Rock n' Roll! And I have some great backstage road stories that are just dying to be told!" RockConfidential.com has been at the forefront of breaking news stories on the rock scene. Jacklyn's first article will be about “rockers, tour buses, and her brush with a local murderer.” Jesse Capps, CEO of the publication says of Lick, "Jackie has a lot of great stories and it's awesome that she's decided to share them with Rock Confidential.” Looks like all you chumps who studied journalism should have opted for passing out BJs in porn videos. At least that way you would have been assured of a gig. MARY CAREY’S LATEST PLAN FOR CALIFORNIA PIECE...ER, PEACE Porn squack Mary Carey’s been gaining a ton of publicity with her announcement that she’s seeking election as California governor as an independent. Her appearance at LA’s City Hall on Tuesday attracted mucho television and radio coverage as she sought signatures to win her a place on the ballot. We’ve already mentioned most of her platform, but she’s just added a new one: a “Porno for Pistols” program in which owners of firearms would be able to swap their iron for XXX-rated movies. Carey’s reasoning? "If more guys had orgasms, they'd be less violent." As I’ve mentioned, I’m debating running myself, but I think I’d start a program in which people could trade their porn tapes for weapons. I‘m telling you, this whole bloody coup idea I’m working on is a surefire cure for the malaise that seems to have affected us all. And I’m not so sure what kind of nut job would swap a fine piece of the gunsmith’s art for a copy of “Ass-Fucked Debs #211.” Oh, well, that’s what makes America such a great place to live. It’s the commerce of ideas. Or something like that.
Michael Louis Albo
------------------- AUGUST 6, 2003 DARE TO TAKE THE KIKI DAIRE TEST? If there’s one thing that can spell death to a porn career, it’s a crotch that smells like, well, death. And that’s just the allegation being made online about busty squack star Kiki Daire. Accusations like this are a dime a dozen these days, but with the proliferation of internet outlets, something like this can provide entertainment for weeks. It’s no secret that Kiki is friends with Felecia Fox and that Fox is cohost of “Lust for Life” on KSEX radio. And so, in the hope of clearing Kiki’s good name, the August 5 episode of the show will feature an in-studio smell test. As Fox says, "I've gone down on Kiki Daire dozens of times, and there's nothing wrong with her down there. Trust me." With that in mind, Fox will be having Mike South and industry publicist Harry Weiss on hand to take part in the olfactory orgy. "We're going to blindfold the guys,” explains Fox, "then we're going to bring Kiki Daire out and do a smell test with her. We're going to have some other items for the guys to compare her scent to: a dozen roses, a dead fish, that sort of thing. Then the guys are going to rate what they smell on a scale of 1 to 10. We also have some packets of yeast, autographed by the adult stars, that we're going to give away on the air." Just the thing for those of you who are into baking your own bread. SAD RUMORS Word is filtering in that there’s been some sort of trouble in the super-clean world of Orange County, California. As reported by someone writing in to Scott Fayner, porn star Leah Stevenson was being held for “psychological evaluation” by the police who were trying to ID her. The odd thing here is that police do not normally do psych evaluations. They can detain someone, but evaluations are done by psychiatric professionals, not cops. As the post continued, it seemed that maybe there were some ulterior motives in floating this story. Some of them were pretty damned funny, though. And funny because it wouldn’t be hard imagining them to be true. Things like Stevenson pulling a “two-week old tampon out of her hole” as a ploy to get gasoline money. Things like Stevenson believing she is a clone. Things like Stevenson believing she was abducted by aliens in downtown LA. (Oh, and those are outer space aliens, not the Mexican variety which are common in that area, but perhaps Leah was confused because a Monte Carlo lowrider with hydraulic lifts can seem otherworldly.) She sounds like a real fun girl if only a fraction of this stuff contains a kernel of truth. THE CALIFORNIA GOOBER-NATORIAL RACE HEATS UP As reported here, now that California Governor Gray Davis is facing a recall election, all sorts of publicity-seeking whack jobs and wealthy wanna-be tyrants are crawling out of the woodwork. Among them are Larry Flynt who wants to cut into the Indians’ gaming action to solve the state’s budget crisis, loudmouth, know-it-all foreigner Arianna Hugffington (who didn’t know her ex-husband Michael “I’ll Just Buy the Election” Huffington preferred the company of other men...sexually). Michael Huffington, who didn’t need to be gay to be considered unfit for office the first time he ran has also thrown his hat into the ring. One listen to any of his so-called speeches during his truncated campaign was enough to send voters searching for the quickest way to Oregon. Now comes word that porn squidge Mary Carey is making a play for the Governor’s mansion. As I told you yesterday, all that’s required to get on the ballot is $3,500 and 16 signatures. Carey’s come up with her own campaign slogan, “We’ve had Brown...We’ve Tried Gray...Now it’s time for some Blonde!” Yay! Carey released a statement that she would be collecting signatures in front of downtown LA’s venerable City Hall to collect those necessary 16 signatures, which, we assume, should take all of 10 whole minutes. She will be wearing a red, white and blue bikini to let potential voters know that she’s a real American. Her platform? Legalizing gay marriage in California. Says Carey, “Seeing two women say ‘I do’ and kiss each other is hot!” Yeah, if they’re fakey-porn dykes. Trust me, the real thing ain’t so pretty. Carey also wants to tax breast implants, make lap dances tax deductible and recruit members of the XXX community as “good will ambassadors.” I’m telling you, folks, with all this madness unfolding, I’m thinking about ponying up the dough and collecting some signatures myself. Of course my platform is much more simple than any thus proposed. Essentially, it will involve a bloody coup and the settling of some personal vendettas. And you people know who you are. CHLOE JONES RESPONDS TO VILE RUMORS My
pal, the young and effervescent Scott Fayner of lukeford.com recently
posted an item about Vivid “dumping” Chloe Jones after
she allegedly “nodded out” at a party at the LFP offices.
Having spent a good portion of my life toiling at LFP, I can’t
blame her. It’s a good coping mechanism for all the Machiavellian
scheming that passes for “good business” there. Whether
or not drugs were involved in Ms. Jones’s case was never made
clear, and I kind of doubt anyone really cared, except of course,
Chloe herself who posted a response. It’s interesting and
poignant in a typically porn star way. Among her better bon mots
(with original punctuation left intact): “First of all as
long as I am pulling in a fat ass check everyone can go jerk off.”
Regarding her beef with Vivid: “Just remember I have never
told my story yet, so sit back and wait for the headline news on
television or in the book I am writing.” Finally, as to some
of the descriptions used to describe her: “I am not old and
not white trash...I am a very down to earth girl and kind as hell.
GO FUCK YOURSELF.” All I have to say is this, the day a porn
chick CAN’T be all fucked up on hard drugs and, in fact, loses
her job over that kind of behavior is the day that we should all
just hang it up. Porn used to be about bad girls doing bad things.
As far as I’m concerned this whole corporate mentality that’s
seeped into porn is a pox on the business and should be done away
with immediately. Chloe, you go head on, girl. And the rest of you
girls, stop pretending to be schoolmarms. The boys want wild, unfettered,
raging, unstable whores. Now get outta here. --------------------------------------- AUGUST 5, 2003 PROOF THE END IS NIGH Okay, so if you’re not a resident of the great state of California, you may not know that Governor Gray Davis is in danger of being ousted in a recall vote. That’s kind of weird. What’s even more weird are the folks who are scrambling to take his place. Consider the following. Angelyne, an aging silicone blonde whose only claim to fame is having some wealthy sugar daddy plaster her petrified mug all over Los Angeles billboards. This chick’s been around since I was a kid, and that was 20-plus years ago, so you know she’s got to be giving the Mummy a run for his money in the age department. Well, if the current President is just a yes-man for his daddy’s former cabinet, it wouldn’t be the first time a puppet’s been placed in charge of things. Then there’s everybody’s favorite porn king, Larry Flynt who hopes to expand slot machine gambling to solve the state’s budget crisis. Hey, hasn’t the white man taken enough away from the American Indians already? Now that they’ve hit on gambling as a way to make a buck, we’re going to cut into their action? Besides, Flynt already owns several casinos. Plus, having worked for the man for nearly a decade...well, there’s no need to make this personal, but I wouldn’t vote for him if he were running against the ghost of [insert the name of your favorite evil despot here]. Sorry, Larry. You do not inspire this voter with confidence, and I’d wager that outside the mostly myopic porn community that view is shared. Then there’s Arnold Schwarzenegger. He’s married to a sort-of Kennedy, but he definitely does not cleave to the family’s Democratic ideals. Oh, no. Arnold’s an Austrian by birth and you can draw your own conclusion from the national character of that country. Think Kurt Waldheim and watch Leni Riefenstahl’s “Triumph of the Will.” If you think Angelyne and Larry Flynt are scary, take a good look at Arnold and picture Californians marching to the Horst Wessel song and wearing lederhosen. Former gubernatorial candidate Michael Huffington has filed papers to run. He once tried to buy the election, but then it was revealed that he was gay. Worse, he was married to loudmouthed, foreign right-winger AriannaHuffington. Yes, both of these rich twits are really in touch with the lives of average Californians. Vote no. While we’re going through the list, let’s take a pause for Georgy Russel. Don’t let the name fool you. She’s a young computer programmer campaigning for “clean energy.” At least she sells thongs on her website. Better she should wear them. She looks better than Angelyne, but skimpy undergarments do not a governor make. Of course, Gray Davis is trying to run too. Still, he’s gotten so much negative press, it’s difficult to imagine him overcoming a recall. So, what now? Well, to get on the ballot, all one needs is $3,500 and 65 signatures. So, I’m thinking, why not me? I’m pretty laissez-faire and there are only about 12 people I‘d like to see, uh, liquidated...and they all have it coming to them anyway. So, come on people, put a real man in office. Oh, and by that, I’m referring to myself. Sure, I have no political qualifications, but since when did that stop anyone from entering the game? ARE THERE NO LIMITS? Our friends at Sineplex Entertainment will release the fourth installment off their “No Limits” series on August 6. Lord have mercy. This is one of the hardest tapes we’ve seen in quite a spell. Shot in Europe (where I’ve heard the chicks still think $150 American is BIG money) as well as the states (where the chicks are more savvy on monetary matters), these girls definitely earned their day rates in the making of this movie. Sineplex’s Travis Nestor has been quoted as saying that, “We pushed the actresses to the limit. We wanted to see passion, yet at the same time catch some of the nastiest sex ever.” That they did. DPs, ass-to-mouth, and anal cream pies are the order of the day and are performed with aplomb by a cast that includes Friday, Katja Kassin, Angel, Lola, Lisa, Simony and Betty. There is also top male talent if you’re into that sort of thing. A hardcore trailer is available for free downloads as well as box art and picture galleries at http://www.sineplex.com/html/dvd_info_nolimit4.htm. Go there. Now. MY OLD HOMETOWN Yes, as a child I spent many years in the beautiful city of La Puente, California running around in the avocado and walnut groves and trying to avoid getting my ass stomped by the local cholos of Puente Varrio 13. I went to high school at Bishop Amat Catholic School. Back then, about La Puente had to offer for the gentleman craving excitement, other than checking out the fine Latina girls who went to Amat as school let out, was a strip of dingy titty bars along Valley Boulevard just this side of the railroad tracks. Times have changed, I guess. Word comes now that on Saturday, August 16, Paradise Showgirls, located at 14310 Valley Boulevard in La Puente, not to be confused with City of Industry, will be hosting a picture taking and autograph session with three of today’s hottest XXX stars. Scheduled to appear will be Aurora Snow, Alexis Amore and Holly Hollywood. The girls will also be performing a one-time only stage show following the signing. The event will begin at 9 pm and last until midnight. The show will follow immediately after. La Puente is a world away from the San Fernando Valley. It’s in the San Gabriel Valley, actually, so these girls are doing a bit of traveling just to get there. So show your support and get out there to see them in the flesh. And who knows? You might even see the daughters of some of my former classmates like Dolores Cruz, Jennie Machia and the DeBellis sisters and Virginia Bustamante. GINA LYNN STILL WORKING THE MAINSTREAM Pleasure Productions’ star attraction Gina Lynn, no stranger to the mainstream, has done it again with feature article in the New York Times. The July 29 article appeared in the arts section and covered her recent photo shoot with noted photographer Timothy Greenfield-Sanders. Hey, the guy’s got two last names, so you know he’s got to be a major dude. The story provided a background of Gina’s life, ho she got into the biz and her success at crossing over into mainstream features as well as her latest Pleasure Productions vehicles “Dirty Work,” High Rise” and “Retro Lust.” Greenfield-Sanders, who is noted for his portraits of artists, writers and rockers is currently at work on a book featuring artful pics of porn squack. Tentatively titled "XXX:30 Portraits of Porn Stars," no publication has been set, but we’ll keep you informed. This is the kind of book you’d want on the coffee table. Trust me, it’ll look better that that tattered copy of Hustler with half the pages stuck together by some mystery glue. When girls come over, they notice stuff like that, and they don’t dig it too much. Show some class. Check out the complete article at www.nytimes.com/2003/07/29/arts/design/29TIMO.html. --------------------------------------- August 4, 2003 A LARGE ORANGE BANG AND, HEY, THAT’S NO CHICK! You know how it is when you’re ill. Besides the deleterious physical effects, when you reach a certain point, your brain sort of goes into a primitive state where all but the most important details seem to register. Such was the case early this morning on the third day of a bout with food poisoning or intestinal flu or some sort of malady that made keeping any and all liquids or solids down for the digestion process. Feeling dehydrated beyond all reason, I decided I’d risk venturing downstairs to LA’s famed Grand Central Market (est. 1917) for an Orange Bang. Maybe the vitamin C would do me some good, provided I could keep it down long enough. Like most transactions at the market, it was conducted in the sort of mutated Spanish/English/Mandarin hybrid straight out of the movie “Blade Runner.” Usually, this is a fairly uncomplicated process for the locals, but illness had vapor-locked head, so a simple transaction was made infinitely more complicated. Just as Hop Sing, the counterman seemed to be getting the gist of my meaning, all action stopped as a six-foot amazon with killer proportions sauntered by in the classic hooker stroll. Hop stammered something, I turned and caught the rear view of the object of his attention. Lord have mercy. Illness or no, this deserved investigation. Fighting stomach cramps and waves of nausea, I grabbed my Orange Bang and headed off in the direction of that tail encased in a vinyl hot pants outfit. you just don’t see that down here. Taking a turn around a fruit vendor, I made my way to cut her off at the pass. Good grief. On closer inspection it was beyond obvious that this was no ordinary amazon goddess. Uh-uh. Nosireebob. This was a genuine, dyed in the wool trannie. And, judging from the size of the package not so well hidden in those hot pants, a pre-op one at that. Still, I have to admit, the skills of her/his surgeon were very good. Other than the Adam’s apple and the package, this was one fine-looking, uh, chick. Lord, I hope this doesn’t mean I’m becoming gay. Nah. Must be because I’m ill. Has to be. Oh, God, please, this is really freaking me out. Anyone who would like to offer free psychoanalysis please write to me at j45guitar@aol.com. your help is desperately sought. FELECIA FOX INTERVIEW It took her a while to respond, but Felecia’s a busy girl. So, without any further ado, here’s our first porn star interview. HAS
THE BUSINESS CHANGED SINCE YOU STARTED? --------------------------------------- August 1, 2003 KYLIE IRELAND: MAGICALLY DELICIOUS News comes from Kylie Ireland, porn chick, Judy Judy litigant, former VCA publicist, and all-around cool person that her official website has recently undergone a major overhaul. Stating that she was tired of the “days of dark, cluttered websites,” Kylie has opted for something a little more modern with a “clean and simple new look.” Kylie’s site, www.kylieireland.com has already received lot of cyber-praise from those who have seen it. We recommend that you click on over and check it out. What we really like about what we’ve seen is that the site is devoid of those horrible consoles and pop-up windows. Well, there is one pop-up, but it’s a short Flash movie that occurs during the free tour, and we can live with that. Even better is that Kylie’s redesigned site is easier to navigate than most others of its type. Acccording to Miss Ireland, “I don't want to wow visitors with hype and webmaster tricks, I want to wow them with what they are here to see: a side of Kylie Ireland that doesn't exist anyplace else.” Although kylieireland.com is a pay site, there are lots of freebies as well. Besides the free tour, there’s an “About Me” section as well as all Kylie’s statistics including a bio, FAQ section and movie and magazine lists. And, probably best of all, all of it’s written by Kylie, not some guy she paid to pretend to be her. Oh, and let’s not forget all the free pictures either. Members can expect an all-access pass to Kylie’s live Internet chats/shows, five 24/7 webcams set up in her home, video clips and thousands of photos. If you remember Kylie as a girl next-door type of XXX performer (if there is such a thing), you might be surprised to see how Kylie’s evolved. The redesigned site features Kylie doing lots of stuff you probably don’t associate with her like fisting, anal sex, DPs, watersports and bondage. Kylie’s site gets our stamp of approval, and we suggest you click over and check it out. Oh, and we spoke briefly with Miss Ireland yesterday, so look for more of her on this site soon. In the meantime, check out www.kylieireland.com. SINEPLEX HAS A PERVERSE THURSDAY The fine folks over at Sineplex Entertainment worked hard on Thursday shooting another installment of the popular “Perversion” series. Headed up by Sky Lopez, the shoot was, from what we hear, a success, and if you’ve haven’t checked out Sineplex as of yet, you need to get down to your local video retailer and check them out. They’re offering some of the most cutting-edge stuff available these days. If the action that took place in Northridge on Thursday is any indication, the title “Perversion” is apt. Of course, this is what Sineplex does with aplomb. We’ll keep you posted as to the release date. You won’t want to miss this one. EVERYBODY’S A DIVA From the publicity desk of Brian Gross comes word that Candye Kane, whom you might remember from her days as a fringe porn chick, or perhaps in her better-known guise of erstwhile roots/rockabilly/blues musician, will be releasing a CD titled “Whole Lotta Love” on Ruf Records. Those who follow certain segments of the music scene will no doubt recall Candye Kane’s name and will probably remember her as something of a novelty act. Despite the sometimes negative press, Candye’s been singing and writing for 16 years now. Pretty impressive for longevity alone. Those who might want to dismiss her without having heard her in a while might be interested to know that her 2002 Rounder/Bullseye release, “The Toughest Girl Alive” was named one of the Top Ten Best CDs of the Year by the Chicago Tribune. “Whole Lotta Love” was produced by Grammy Winner Val Garay in Los Angeles and features some well-known guests, including bluesman Charlie Musselwhite, Canned Heat’s Larry Taylor and Little Feat’s Richie Hayward among others. For more information visit www.candyekane.com. Hey, give it a listen. JASMIN ST. CLAIRE SPEAKS! As we told you earlier this week, The New York Post ran a story about gang-bang star and anal sex specialist Jasmin t. Claire’s boorish behavior in an East Village eatery called San Marcos. Her tantrum apparently sparked off by a note sent to her table by a sometime writer for Maxim magazine, Jasmin allegedly paid $8 on her $10.50 bill and caused a scene. This according to the restaurant’s owner, J.B. Rabinowitz. Now St. Claire is telling the Post that what’s been written about her isn't quite accurate. According to Jasmin’s version of the story, she claims to have only skipped out on a drink imbibed at her table by a San Marcos regular who said he was a fan, but who left before paying his bill. The Post reports that St. Claire denies being under the influence or throwing a fit. Perhaps the confusion over the bill occurred because, as Jasmin is quoted as saying, "I'm used to people paying for my drinks." What a life. You let 300 guys do you, and you get free drinks the rest of your life. SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE’S JEALOUS A lot of women don’t like porn or porn chicks. However, Ilana Mercer writing for the Worldnet Daily really doesn’t like the two. So much so that it almost seems like it’s a personal issue. The piece, too long to be included in its entirety here, was inspired by an appearance with reporter Neil Cavuto on Fox News by Sunrise Adams and Vivid Video’s Steve Hirsch. Using the tried and true scattershot technique, Mercer’s main target was the news media’s fascination with XXX in general and Fox News’ focus in particular, but she also slashed and burned her way through porn too. Some of the highlights? “...Adams attempted...to play down her cheap hooker looks and sorry syntax with a pair of nerdy spectacles.” Hirsch, co-founder of Vivid, was referred to as a “pimp.” Making a reference to whom we assume was Belladonna, Mercer writes, “Diane Sawyer once tried to twist a report about a particularly off-putting specimen in the X-rated business so that it would conform to the angle of Madonna-who-was-turned-into-whore-by-an-indifferent-society...A shallow, kinky, weird-looking, low-intelligence twit, with few inhibitions and an inability to postpone gratification, the girl was consumed with getting into any limelight... She ends up as happy as a porn star in a prison...” Porn star in prison? While it might make for a good girl/girl XXX video, I really doubt that prison would make anyone happy. Even a porn chick. Referring to Jenna Jameson, Mercer even pulls out an exclamation point to underscore her outrage. “A person who chooses to sell sex for a living, rather than work at a supermarket or teach school, used to be called a whore in civilized society! A porn star is a hooker with a camera crew and a contract—a prostitute with a penchant for exhibitionism.” She also described Jameson as “skanky.” Oh, boy. If the picture that accompanies the article is any indication, the harsh and angular Mercer is not one to be calling anyone else a skank. The level of vitriol was truly remarkable, and one can only hope that Mercer was just trying to make some sort of point and grab some attention. Unfortunately, that’s not what came across. Sounded to me like somebody needs to get laid. |
