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October 31, 2003


SEASON'S GREETINGS
Well, it's finally here. The event of the season. The Day of the Locust as it were. Me? The last time I really got into the spirit was back in 1973 when my mom made me a "ghost" costume and dropped me off at the Bishop Amat High School gym where I hooked up with some attired pals. We sneaked past Father Goodwin and the safety patrol to the football stadium and painted the insignias of an organization known for its rabidly anti-Catholic views on our sheets and knotted up some nooses and made our way into the gym. The kids loved it. The authorities did not. That said, here are some Halloween tips for your survival. We will return to our regularly scheduled programming on Monday.

1) If you're the black guy, forget it. You're going to be dead before you finish reading this sentence.

2) If the realtor offers you that mansion on the hill for well below market rate just because the previous family has been brutally murdered exactly one year before (and it's been built on an ancient Indian burial ground), take it. Stay a few hours, hole up in Motel 6, then make up all kinds of creepy stories, sell the rights to Hollywood for millions and retire to...well, another mansion on a hill.

3) Vampires don't like crucifixes. But you're in the Valley. Good luck finding any religious objects there.

4) The virginal teens are the ones who survive the slashers. In this scene, there are no virgins, and the teens have seen too much to be wise beyond their years. Hack. Splat. Bye-bye.

5) "Save yourself from this corrupt generation," a smart person once said. To simplify things for the trick-or-treat crowd, let's just say, "Don't eat stuff off the sidewalk."

Oh, and make sure to check for razor blades in those apples, kids. See ya on Monday.

Michael Louis Albo
mike@adultstarsnews.com

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OCTOBER 30, 2003


OH, GENTLE READERS
You have not been neglected. No siree. I do read your e-mail. Even the snotty, insulting ones. I've just been waiting for the right today to run some of them. Looks like today's that day. L.A.'s burning, and I've split the scene for the greener fields of the New Jerusalem as it were. What's that supposed to mean? What does it really matter? Would any of you care if I explained? I kind of doubt it. That's okay though. It's not like we haven't been through a lot already. Sort of like an abusive teen-age marriage. Maybe not. Anyway, maybe I should just shut up. Here are a couple of messages I found amusing...


CRITICS
From Marc in Las Vegas: "Hey, Mike: HEVG was the best mag for XXX criticism, and then it was gone. Now there's nothing. Nobody's doing criticism anymore. What's up with that? And how come porn sucks so bad these days?"

Dear Marc: HEVG is dead. Get over it. Porn criticism is dead. Get over it. The future is porn PR. Everything is great, wonderful and super-terrific. Retailers would do well to stock this item. Let those words become your mantra and all will be well and you'll stop thinking porn "sucks so bad these days."


SELLOUT
Jim from La Crescenta writes: "Mike: You used to be funny. Now you suck. When are you going to revert to your old self? You know, the fun one?"

Dear Jim: You mean I'm not fun now? Seven out of ten mentally challenged readers would disagree with you, you know.


BOOK SCHMOOK
Faria, the Heretic Kid from Beverly Hills writes: "Mike, I've known you for a long time and you've GOT to write a book about all the behind-the-scenes stuff in the business. Your magazine was the only one I ever bothered to read because it was funny..."

Dear Faria: Thanks, man. Two problems. One, all the behind-the-scenes stuff is available for free on the Internet. Two, I'd be in court until doomsday. Oh, and let's not forget that most folks don't want to read a book written by a doofus like me. Now, if I looked like Jenna whats-her-name...

Michael Louis Albo
mike@adultstarsnews.com

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OCTOBER 29, 2003

HUSTLER HOLLYWOOD'S NEWEST INDUCTEES

Larry Flynt will be on hand this evening to personally induct adult entertainment pioneer Harry Mohney and adult film star Porsche Lynn into the Hustler Hollywood Porn Walk of Fame. The ceremony will take place at the Hustler Hollywood store at 7:00.

Not familiar with Mohney? Well, maybe you're clear on the concept of high-end nudie bars. That has been Harry's legacy to American culture. Mohney is currently the owner of Déjà vu Consulting, which manages over 60 clubs throughout the U.S. and Europe...including Larry Flynt's Hustler Clubs.

Porsche Lynn starred in over 250 features in the late "80s and early "90s and earned the nickname "The Girl with the Million Dollar Legs" after she had her gams insured for a million bucks.

Hustler Hollywood is located at 8920 Sunset Boulevard on the Sunset Strip. For more information please visit www.hustlerhollywood.com.

PORN STAR FLEES FIRE

It's fire season in Southern California, and this year is an especially nasty one. Very apocalyptic. Out in San Bernardino County where most of my family lives, and where some have been evacuated to a huge hangar, the rumor is that it's a terrorist plot, never mind that this type of thing happens with regularity every ten years or so. Still, Eden's burning, baby. If the rains come this winter, we'll be washed away in mud. Cycle of life in this part if the world, you know. The Los Angeles Times reported on the fires and mentioned porn star and MENSA member Asia Carrera. According to the Times: "Asia Carrera, an adult film actress who lives in a Chatsworth townhome, fled with her two cats in her metallic blue Corvette. She packed some clothes and her computer because she also runs an online porn business."

DON'T HIT HEIDI

Actor Tom Sizemore, the star of "Black Hawk Down" was sentenced on Monday to six months in jail and three years probation for abusing ex-girlfriend, former Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss.

But that's not all, folks. Sizemore will first go through a drug rehabilitation program. That little caveat may save Sizemore. Judge Antonio Barreto Jr. said he would consider reducing the actor's sentence to 90 days if Sizemore can show at a January 30 hearing that his court-ordered counseling for drugs, anger and domestic violence are working.

It could have been worse. Prosecutors had requested a 1-year sentence.

Michael Louis Albo
mike@adultstarsnews.com

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OCTOBER 28, 2003

KYLIE HOSTS NEW KSEX SHOW

This just in from Kylie Ireland: "Over the years, legendary adult actress Kylie Ireland has worn a lot of hats; AVN Award winner and Best New Starlet; VCA contract girl and publicist; Webmistress and owner of Ireland Entertainment, Inc. and www.kylieireland.com. Now Ireland is adding Radio Personality to the list.
October 23rd marked the debut of Kylie Live, Ireland's new talk radio show on the massively popular Internet media portal KSEX radio. Ireland, who majored in broadcast journalism in college, had up-and-coming porn starlet Katrina Kraven as her first guest to compare notes on the adult business now, and how it has changed since Ireland first stepped in front of the camera nearly a decade ago.
Ireland also made a guest appearance the next night as HBO visited the studios to film a segment for a new documentary to be featured on the mainstream cable channel next spring.
"I'm incredibly excited,' says Ireland, "I am thrilled to have the opportunity to partner up with KSEX... I've always wanted to do radio. My co-host Daisy is terrific, we are going to have a blast.'
Kylie Live airs every Thursday evening at 9 pm Pacific Time on KSEX radio. Listeners can tune in Kylie and her co-host Daisy for free simply by visiting www.ksexradio.com , or, with the upgraded KSEX membership, they can watch all the action as well on the live studio Webcams.
Members of Ireland's own site – www.kylieireland.com "already have full access to KSEX and most of its affiliates.
For more information on KSEX Radio, Kylie Live or Kylie Ireland please email publicity@kylieireland.com." So there you go.

BRITNI COMING TO L.A.

From BisexualBritni: "My trip to LA is set and arranged. I will be leaving Vegas, where I am currently doing some feature stripping acts, on Wednesday of this week. I will proceed to Palm Springs to make a visit to the new and totally hot Swinger Retreat called the AquaFinity (http://aquafinity.com/). This new Swingers retreat is simply a world class lovers grotto. It comes with beautifully appointed rooms, a natural mineral springs pool (clothing optional)and some of the sexiest swingers in SoCal. This place will be world famous stop for the swingers community in no time. If you are in the Palm Springs area or live further out in LA or Vegas and simply need an adult, weekend getaway. AguaFinity is the place for you." Okay, Brit. The calendar's marked.

CURIOSITY FACTOR?

TV's making me crazy. Gotta stop watching it, or at least leaving it on while I'm trying to get stuff done. Some commercial just came on and I thought it was a promo for the new season of Joe Millionaire. You know, the one with the broke-ass cowboy? But this cowpoke was dressed way gay. Sort of like that guy from the Village People. And he was going on and on about being "curious." If the viewers were curious, there was a number to call. I finally got it. It was an ad for a gay sex line. Okay, whatever. However you want to spend your money guess. What I don't get is what a guy who has leanings in that direction has to be curious about. I mean, he has all the equipment, right? What's the mystery? Chicks, they're the mystery. Get a clue. Just my opinion. And a pretty stupid one at that. Sorry. Never mind.

Michael Louis Albo
mike@adultstarsnews.com

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OCTOBER 27, 2003

WICKED SUNDAY

Wicked Pictures' publicist Daniel Metcalf sent us the following: "Wicked Pictures is supporting the annual IVD Warehouse Show this Sunday October 26th with a special appearance by exclusive contract star Sydnee Steele.
The beautiful brunette Wicked Girl will be signing autographs and posing for photographs with fans. The retailer-only show brings together both distributors and customers from all over the country, and as in past years, Wicked is co-sponsoring the event's dinner, as well as providing free giveaways of T-shirts and other promotional items.
Aside from allowing retailers to have face-to-face meetings with their sales reps, the event also presents retailers with an opportunity to learn about new products and ways of maximizing display space scenarios to generate more sales.
In other Sydnee / Wicked news, her latest release, Brad Armstrong's Island Girls, hit stores shelves this week in a simultaneous VHS/DVD release." And, yeah, we know it's Monday, but better late than never, ya know?

THE BIRTH OF S & S PRO TALENT MANAGEMENT

Just in from S&S Pro Talent Management: "With the height of the shooting season upon us, and the search for new talent begins, a new talent management firm has come into the picture. Combining over fifty years experience in the adult business Steve Banan, www.thelibertynetwork.tv / Banan's World PR and Steve Seidman, former editor of Adult Stars Magazine and past public relations man for the Moonlite Bunny Ranch have joined forces to create a management company that will not only concentrate on current stars, it will also bring in some of the freshest talent that the adult industry has seen.
Steve Seidman: "I've traveled the country and searched the web in an effort to bring some of the hottest and sexiest ladies to the valley. Forming many contacts through the country, a group of mini agents will be referring new ladies to us constantly. With the help of one of the current stars, we've been contacted by representatives in the U.K. and in Prague to help ladies get into the country for added exposure in the adult world.' Seidman said with a grin, "We will try our best to do the right things by our client and by the producers and directors. With fresh talent, we'll keep everyone busy.'
Steve Banan: "S&S will try and offer the clients a little more than the other companies. We have secured some major contacts in the mainstream film industry and we will try and place our ladies is some mainstream films.'" One stop shopping for all your, uh, talent needs.

FLYNT TO BUY PENTHOUSE?

First was the distribution deal with Vivid Video. Then the purchase of VCA Pictures. Then came Wicked Pictures. Now the New York Post reports that Larry Flynt's Hustler empire is seriously considering snapping up Penthouse and parent company General Media which has been in bankruptcy for the past three months. If this Pac-Man trend continues, LFP could become the Time-Warner of smut...if it isn't already.

GHOULIES, GHOSTIES...

Lord, may this week pass swiftly. I don't know why, but in this business, Halloween is Christmas, New Year and the Fourth of July all wrapped up into one big, messy bang. I used to think to think it was kind of fun myself. I even went to a party in costume one year. Now it's just kind of a drag. This year, my schoolmarm girlfriend is bugging me to take her on a walk on the sleazy side. Honey, I'm no freaking tour guide. It's causing some dissension. My suggestion if she wants some Halloween chills? How about I just come over and she pretends I'm dead and I'm a ghost and she can't see me or hear me and I can just chill on the couch and watch TV? Sounds good to me, but you know chicks. Once they get something in their heads there's no shaking it loose. She even wants to "do something in the Valley." The Valley? Girl, why don't we just go to some lonesome crossroads at midnight and sell our souls to the devil? At least the exchange rate's better than a trip to Chatsworth. Well, I shouldn't be too hard on her, I guess. She's around kids all day, and the little gangsters she teaches just love their Halloween, so I suppose she gets caught up in the excitement. I can forgive that. It's the rest of you I don't understand. Halloween? Bah! Humbug!

Michael Louis Albo
mike@adultstarsnews.com

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OCTOBER 24, 2003

PARTY WITH SINEPLEX...THREE TIMES

Hey, if you've got the party jones, Sineplex Entertainment will satisfy your need. From our bud, Travis Nestor: "On Thursday, October 23, Sineplex will co-host a party in Santa Barbara, Calif. with radio station 92.9 KJEE. Porn starlets Selena Silver, August, Honey, and Lilly Thai will be on-hand to sign autographs and take pictures with fans. The club is located in the heart of Santa Barbara's entertainment district at 634 State Street. Doors open at 9 pm and proper attire is required.
On Halloween, Friday, October 31, Sineplex heads down to Orange County to host the exclusive VIP room of Cupid's Halloween Party, taking place at The Grove in Anaheim. Come party with some of the hottest women Orange County has to offer. Cupid's features sexy go-go dancers as well as 24 massive bass speakers. Presale tickets are available at www.wanttickets.com. Halloween costumes a must!
If Halloween wasn't enough for you, Sineplex will host a secret, industry-only "Day of the Dead" party on Saturday, November 1. The only way to find out information about this party is to email travis@sineplex.com.
For more info on Sineplex please visit www.sineplex.com.
For more info on Cupid's Halloween: www.cupidslive.com."

IS A WORLD WITHOUT RERUN ONE IN WHICH WE WANT TO LIVE?

Rerun's dead! Actor Fred Berry, 52, who had been ill recently following complications from a stroke, is no more. Bummer. According to the Associated Press, Berry claimed to have squandered more than a million bucks on drugs, cars, homes and an airplane. Then his show, "What's Happening!" was canceled and Berry had to get by making appearances at shopping malls. He had a few gigs here and there, but nothing to rival his success on the original go-round of "What's Happening!" Well, there was his role as the gay "sugar pimp" in the movie "Hollywood Vice," but who really remembers that? Oh, yeah, and his work with the Lockers. Rerun, we'll miss ya.

ASHTON MOORE UPDATE

Just received word from Ashton Moore as to her upcoming schedule of events. Fans should check her out. From Ashton: "On Monday October 27th I will be doing a Live Video Chat at 5 pm PST at my official website: www.AshtonMoore.com.
I will then be feature dancing Thursday November 6th through Saturday November 8th at the Hustler Club Washington Park near St. Louis.
5420 Bunkum Rd
Washington Park, Illinois
618.874.9334
On Wednesday November 12th I will be in Los Angeles filming my all girl series for Jill Kelly Productions, "When the Boyz are Away the Girlz Will Play.'
Then from Thursday November 20th through Saturday November 22nd I will be feature dancing with Haven at Spearmint Rhino City of Industry.
15411 East Valley Blvd
City of Industry, California
626.336.6892." Okay, so now you know, now you can go.

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN...

Okay, so here I am writing this column, and I'm too lazy to walk across the room and grab a new CD to play after listening to Dylan's "Blonde on Blonde." Twice. I turn on the television and surf the channels. Not much of interest. Wait, semi-hot chick. Uh-oh. She's on VH1. You pretty much know you're in for trouble. Then you realize the station's doing one of their hard-hitting examinations of a topic that concerns us all: The "80s. Sort of a retro/nostalgia thing. Warm and fuzzy memories. And a great way to recycle all the crappy music videos from the era. But wait. Am I the only one who thought the "80s totally sucked? Bad movies. Lousy television shows. Music that made you want to puke. (Example? Live Aid. Bob Dylan, Keith Richards and Ron Wood performing a ragged-but-right "When the Ship Comes In" and being hustled off stage so that Lionel Richie and Michael Jackson can lead a sing-along of "We Are the World." Cripes.) Fashion trends that could only have been conceived in a mental asylum. And underlying it all was that whole Reagan/Bush greed-head, Wall Street, gimme, gimme, gimme mentality. The "80s blew like a $20 hooker on meth. About the only good things to come out of that decade were crack and cheap, high-grade smack. If it weren't for those two little gifts, a lot of folks wouldn't have made it through into the "90s. Do you like the "80s? Why? What the hell is wrong with you?

PORN FASHION TIP #214

Now that Halloween is fast upon us, the porn party season is gearing up. Here's a little tip a reader sent: "Unless you're blind, Roy Orbison or on narcotics, wearing sunglasses indoors or at night makes you look like an asshole and a poser." Duly noted.

Michael Louis Albo
mike@adultstarsnews.com

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OCTOBER 23, 2003

THE SURREAL LIFE...WITH RON JEREMY

It used to be that if you wanted a fix of celebrities whose shelf lives had expired, you had to find a channel that showed Love Boat reruns. Then along came last season's surprise hit, Surreal Life that threw together "Hey-I-Remember-Him" names like MC Hammer, Corey Feldman and the little lawn jockey who played Webster and hilarity ensued. The show's success has spawned a second season and a new cast. This time around, viewers will get to watch in stunned amazement as Tammy Faye Messner, the overly made-up ex-wife of disgraced televangelist Jim Bakker, and porn legend Ron Jeremy play hosts to Erik "Ponch" Estrada, Traci Bingham, Vanilla Ice (who apparently was NOT murdered in cocaine deal gone bad), and some chick from MTV's The Real World named Trishelle. As a bonus, each week for the 11 episodes the show is scheduled to run, a new celebrity guest will move into the Hollywood Hills mansion the cast will be sharing. Rumors are the WB has contracted with the El Supremo for The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, better known as Famine, Pestilence, War, and Death to guest on the season finale, although nothing has been confirmed as of yet. Still, if anyone could cool out a scene like this, it would have to be Ron and Tammy Faye. And a handful of thorazine. Lots and lots of thorazine. Be sure to tune in. It should be, as Mick and Keith once sang, "...a gas, gas, gas." Check your local listings.

GOT NUTS IF YA WANT "EM

Our friend Daniel Metcalf from Wicked Pictures writes in to let us know that: "Wicked Pictures' Space Nuts garnered the top honor for American adult motion pictures at Venus 2003's international awards show in Berlin last Thursday when the epic Jonathan Morgan comedy snared the show's coveted Best Movie (USA) award. A special effects laden extravaganza with a running time of over three hours, Space Nuts stars Wicked Girls Stormy, Devinn Lane, Jessica Drake, and Kaylani Lei." Congratulations, Wicked. Entertaining those Germans couldn't have been easy. I mean, how does one follow an act like World War II?

ALWAYS THE WEISS GUY

Well there's one way to get your press releases read. Slap a snappy header on "em. Consider the following from Harry Weiss that implied there was a near fatality on the set of Rock That Ass #23, The Return of Sean Bond in which Dee and Sean Michaels did their highly publicized "A" scene. (You'd think that after 22 previous shoots, safety issues wouldn't be a concern, but you never know.) Anyway, I fell for it. No near fatalities. No injuries. Nothing remotely like that. Jut some plain-old porn hyperbole in the finest P.T. Barnum tradition. Suffice it to say the scene went off as planned and will be released soon. We're sure we'll be informed and when we are, you'll be put on notice. You won't want to miss this one.

NAKED HALLOWEEN BALL

Nakedhalloweenball.com sent us this notice, so if you're looking for Halloween kicks, you might want to check it out: "Naked Halloween Ball promises to be the wildest Halloween party ever held in America and features the hottest adult stars, Internet models, film, magazine, TV, and exotic dancers on earth! There will be live exotic go-go dancers, prize giveaways, lap dances, continuous live burlesque performances, a huge 5-hour continuous bondage show on 3 stages, live music performances, a laser show, and a $1500.00 Halloween costume contest. The first 100 porn stars get in free. (Porn stars must bring an adult DVD/video box cover or a legible copy of box cover and show at door For one free admission to event.)" Hey, you can't have people just showing up and SAYING they're porn stars. Not on Halloween. That just wouldn't be right. The Naked Halloween Ball will be held this Saturday, October 25, from 9 pm to 6 am, at The Score Gentlemen's Club located at 2065 South Santa Fe Avenue, Los Angeles, CA 90021-2930. Call 323-588-8898 for more information or check out http://www.nakedhalloweenball.com.

Michael Louis Albo
mike@adultstarsnews.com

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OCTOBER 22, 2003

SINEPLEX SCORES WITH SKY

We told you it was a good one when it was released. Now our bud, Travis Nestor of Sineplex Entertainment tells us that his company has scored its first Editor's Choice from Adult Video News Magazine (AVN) for "Sky's Perversions #1." Sineplex Vice Prez Owen Pierce commented, "This is a real honor for Sineplex Entertainment. We are a young company and for us to receive this honor so soon is great. Sineplex Entertainment would like to thank everyone at AVN for their support over the past few months." Both volumes of "Sky's Perversions" are currently available on all formats from Sineplex Entertainment. For more information please visit www.sineplex.com or www.gtflix.com. For sales, please contact Dean Sussman at: (866) 487-9925 or dean@sineplex.com. For public relations, please contact Travis Nestor at: (818) 994-9009 or travis@sineplex.com.

SUPER-FREAK, BABY!

If you thought the only stone-cold freaks were in this business, you haven't heard of Kirk Jones yet. Jones, 40, from Canton, MI, is the first person to have gone over Niagara Falls without safety equipment...and survived the trip. For his efforts, Jones was charged with "illegally performing a stunt" which carries a possible fine of $10,000. Why mention Mr. Jones on this site? Why the hell not? We've mentioned far more dopey and pointless accomplishments in the past.

SIGNING SIMONE

Porn squidge Simone has just been signed to a non-exclusive, six-picture deal with Cherry Boxxx Pictures. Only 20 years old, Simone has already completed her first installment Cherry Boxxx, entitled "Simone's Hot." If you're curious as to what Simone is all about, check her out in the current issue of Hustler magazine. And check out "Simone's Hot" when it becomes available at your local video store. She is. Hot, that is.

Michael Louis Albo
mike@adultstarsnews.com

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OCTOBER 21, 2003

STAY TUNED...MORE DETAILS COMING

Just got word from Dennis Hof, CEO of the world-famous Moonlight Bunny Ranch brothel that adult video icon Sunset Thomas will be involved in an upcoming VH-1 special on celebrity feuds. I don't have any details as of yet, and have spent most of the day trying to track them down. Stay tuned. They'll be forthcoming.

ON THE ROAD WITH SUNSET

In more Sunset Thomas news...Dr. X called today to let me know that he'll be traveling with Ms. Thomas to document her upcoming road tour as she makes her way to some very special engagements. If you're in the area, you might want to check her out. From November 6 through the 8, Sunset is scheduled to appear at the opening of the new Hustler club in Baltimore. From the 12 through 15 it's on to Toledo, Ohio, and then from December 2 through the 6 it's Providence, Rhode Island. We'll be sure to post the names of the clubs as soon as we know. Go check out the shows.

JENNA IN ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY

Jenna Jameson is the subject of a five-page article in the current issue of Entertainment Weekly. I haven't seen the piece the yet, but the always-on-the-spot Green Lantern relayed a quote concerning Jenna's breakup with Brad Armstrong. I thought it was pretty funny in a "Jerry Springer Show" sort of way. "Here's the short answer to why the relationship failed: "I don't like guys who call me fat. I don't care if I'm 400 pounds, you don't call me fat. And it's not like he was some frickin' Calvin Klein model!'" Okay, for all you guys who think how great it would be to be married to a porn chick, study those lines a few times and think on them really hard. Even if the sex was so great it left you bleeding from the ears, eyes and nostrils, would it really be worth it to have to deal with that attitude?

DOPE-FREE IN PORNVILLE, U.S.A.

Just a word to the wise-guys out there who have picked up on the not-so subtle junk vibes and who have decided that it might be the cool thing to do. Hey, I am not your daddy (although I'm definitely old enough to be) and I can't tell you what to do. In fact, maybe you all need to take that walk for yourselves and see what's what. Have a good time. There's certainly a lot to learn, I'll say that. The tuition's steep, though, and there are no free-ride scholarships. Yes, I do reference the subject because I have a working knowledge of the material, but don't take that as an endorsement. Do what you want to do, and leave me the hell out of your decision making process. Most of you probably lack the staying power to go all the way and your family will have to identify your dried-up carcass on some slab in the county morgue. That's not a Pepsi challenge; that's a fact. Stick with what you know. Get the latest XXX release, watch it, do your thing, get some sleep and go to work in the morning. Yeah, maybe it's a drag, but it could be a whole lot worse. At the very least, stop writing in to me with questions about how to kill yourselves. (And this doesn't apply to my friends...and you know who are, you clinically depressed bastards.) I'm not going to help you...and I never will. I am not a tour guide through that part of town.

Michael Louis Albo
mike@adultstarsnews.com

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OCTOBER 20, 2003

HAPPY TO HELP

Marc writes in: "Hello Mike: First, wanted to say you have an awesome informative site. I'm a big fan of Serena South and was wondering if you know her or have any info or juicy gossip/news about her. Does she do drugs, etc.? Would you say that 90, 95, or 100% of the girls in porn do some form of illegal drugs: weed, cocaine, ecstasy, speed, etc. Mike, I can't believe all the hot, cute girls are getting into porn these days and ones you would never, ever in your wildest dreams think would do something like that and then six months or less they're doing anal and other wild shit. What do you think is the reason for all this and why do girls that get into porn are very shy and timid at first then a few months go by and they are totally a different person? Well Mike hope you can answer my question." Well, Marc, I'm not here to tear anyone down, and I don't really know Serena South, so I can't comment on her personal habits. I can tell you that, just like in real life, drugs are around, and just like in real life, some girls use them and some don't. As far as girls being "shy and timid" and then doing "anal and other wild shit" a little while later, well, that might just be an illusion. Think about this for a minute. You have a chick who's decided to cross the line into what is, essentially, still an outsider's life. She's performing full-on sex oncamera for money. Once that line's been crossed and the sex act has been reduced to commerce, well, it's just a matter of negotiation until the right offer comes along and then anything is possible.

KIKI'S SCHEDULE

From Harry Weiss comes this update on Kiki Daire's road tour: "Kiki's taking her high-energy, crowd pleasing, feature dance act on the road to Anaheim, CA, Des Moines, IA, and Las Vegas, NV. Kiki's show will take your mind off your team not being in the World Series! Show times are 5:30 pm, 10 pm, and midnight (subject to change). For more information, visit www.xxxkiki.com or contact the club directly.

October 16-18, 2003
Taboo Gentlemen's Club
3025 E. Lamesa Avenue
Anaheim, CA
Club phone (714) 630-5069

October 20-25, 2003
Big Earl's Goldmine
4745 NW 2nd Avenue
Des Moines, IA 50313
Club phone (515) 282-9569

October 31, 2003 (Host for Breast Cancer benefit)
The Sapphire Club
Las Vegas, NV
See www.clubkittens.com for more information

NAKED OLD DUDES RAISE MONEY FOR SCHOOLS

CNN reports that Junction City, Oregon, is raising money for its school district by selling a "tasteful" calendar that features nude photos of nude senior men. The calendar is selling online for $17 a, uh, pop in a state which has seen severe cutbacks in education budgets. All proceeds will go to the school district. Junction City is hoping to generate a possible movie deal from the publicity. We just wonder if going with nude old guys was the right move. Aren't there any ripe young females in town willing to bare all for the common good? We would think that might generate a few more shekels, but maybe that would be in poor taste. I know that I would not want a picture of some naked 75-year old geezer sitting on tractor staring at me for an entire month...and knowing I'd be facing something similar the month after that...and the month after that...and the month after that.

IS THIS LEGAL?

Gene Ross reports on adultFYI.com that director Jim Holliday is making noises about "requiring" female talent to pay a "deposit" if they agree to appear in one of his projects. Supposedly they will be reimbursed upon completion. The intent is to avoid the problem of performers missing shoots. The problem is whether or not "pay to work" is strictly legal under California labor laws. I don't know, but it sounds like something an enterprising attorney might want to look into. Holliday, for his part, told Ross, "They [porn girls] want to be in my movies, they're going to put down a deposit." Back in 1993, I first heard the term "deposit" used in connection with a porn chick getting work. Only it didn't have anything to do with money. If I recall the girl's line correctly, it went something like this: "I had to go see this director to let him make a deposit in my mouth." Whatever. I think if she had looked into California's sexual harassment laws...But, again, I'm no lawyer, so what the hell, do I know? Anyway, this Holliday thing may be an interesting one to follow.

HUSTLER KANS KRAMSKI

Rumors are that LFP/Hustler Video has dropped contract director Kris Kramski. The reasons are hazy, but there is some speculation that Kramski was charging some of his European talent to appear in movies...which raises interesting questions about Jim Holliday's decision to charge a "deposit" for performers if he's shooting for VCA Pictures which is now owned by LFP. Wonder how that will play out once LFP's legal department gets wind of the news. But back to Mr. Kramski. I was in the employ of LFP when he came on board as a contract director, and was aware of his reputation as being seen as less than scrupulous in some circles. I'm sure that LFP was aware of that too, but Kris was European, and talked a good line of bullshit. I was asked to interview him a few times, the most memorable being an oncamera bit for a DVD "extra" for one of his earliest releases for the company. LFP honcho James Baes wanted to do a location shoot and wanted something "gritty and urban" to reflect the Kramski style. Since I actually live in a gritty urban environment, I suggested we could shoot the thing in Pershing Square. Best of all, I wouldn't have to drive to the office that day. The office could come to me...and in the afternoon. I gave directions to the crew guys and to Kramski and his adoring, clinging girlfriend and the crew managed to show up on time. Kramski, always the artiste, arrived an hour late. When he showed, he parked his car in the gated and guarded lot and called from his cell phone: "Can someone come down and get us? This looks like a bad neighborhood." Now this is not Melrose Avenue, and at night it can get a little sketchy, but during the day, it's mostly everyday people doing their shopping at the Grand Central Market or at the dozens of wedding boutiques along Broadway. Kris was just freaked because the faces weren't white and refused to get out of the car without an escort. Then he refused to go to Pershing Square. Then he refused to go to the courtyard of the Central Library. Then he refused Union Station. All these great locations were too "gritty" for Mr. Urban Reality. He asked if we could go over to the Bonaventure Hotel. Sure, we could go there, but the hotel's not going to let us shoot there without permission. "But they have security there, right?" he asked. Lord. Talk about your prima donnas. Worse, most of these places were within a few blocks of each other, but Kris refused to walk. We had to drive. Which meant parking. And no open lots. Only expensive underground parking. Each time he'd turn to me and say, "James said that you'd pay and he'd reimburse you." I found out later that wasn't exactly true. The crew and I finally ended up stopping on a sidewalk and just shooting the thing where the light was okay, the traffic noise wasn't too bad and there were lots of white office workers going home for the day. Cut, print and done. Kris, don't let the LFP/Hustler thing get you down. I'm sure you'll bounce right back. This business is custom-tailored for hep-cats just like you.

Michael Louis Albo
mike@adultstarsnews.com

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OCTOBER 17, 2003

YOU VOTED FOR THIS GUY?

The Associated Press reports from Washington that Justice Department "officials" are claiming they have it on good authority that one aim of pornographers is to flood the Internet with smut to desensitize the kiddies and turn them into a generation of shambling smut zombies. I say what's the problem? A generation of mutants sitting at home doing nothing but wanking in front of the home entertainment console is a generation easily duped. Any government's dream citizens. Still, to keep up appearances, Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Orrin Hatch pledged to wage war against this tidal wave of Internet porn. (And Hatch should know. He once had in employ a chick who went on to achieve fleeting fame as a porn chick named Missy Manners.) As Hatch, the Republican from Utah, said on Wednesday, "This is a growing problem that we need to attack aggressively. We cannot sit quietly and hope it will go away." Hatch held a hearing about federal efforts to combat smut—which will serve as a warning to pornographers that the federal government is now hunting them aggressively. Maybe it's just me, but isn't rising unemployment, poverty and stuff like that just a little more important than dirty pictures on the Internet?

HE SHOULD BE BUSTED FOR THE NAME ALONE

Rumors are sprouting on the gossip sites that a performer calling himself "Kid Cock" allegedly presented a forged HIV test on a video shoot and was caught in the act. His partner for the day, again, allegedly, was Cytherea who called to double-check the paperwork personally and the Woodland Hills testing facility apparently never heard of "the Kid." All we can say is whether the story is true or not doesn't really concern us. However, Kid Cock has got to be the most STOOPID porn name we've heard in years. Kid, you couldn't take an extra 10 seconds out of your busy schedule to come up with something a little better? Come on, man.

WOULD YOU?

I just received a press release from a video company and I'm not going to mention any names. Not this time and not for this particular product. Not because I'm a prude and not because I'm judgmental. The reason? I was hoping to get some unbiased responses from you readers who sometimes are a perceptive lot...and other times can be as mute as a mime troupe. Now the theme, if you want to call it that, of this particular video, is guys getting the high ride from chicks wearing strap-on, uh, devices. Big ones. Really big ones. I don't know. Seems to be flirting with the gay side of things to me. Not that there's anything wrong that. This is America, and you have the right—no, the duty—to live the way you want to live. But can this really be categoorized as a hetero tape just because there's a guy and girl in it? It's pretty confusing. Maybe Orrin Hatch should look into this as long he's concerned about the porn issue. Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut, huh?

Michael Louis Albo
mike@adultstarsnews.com

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ANARCHY IN THE U.S.A.

Just got a new press release from Anarchy regarding the company's successful Porn Star series. The second volume has its street date on October 22 and is directed by Erin Sky. It stars Giselle Collins, Alana Evans, Cytherea, Katin, Jasmine Lynn, Vanessa, John West, Brett Rockman and Pete Moss. Porn Star Volume 2, according the press release, features mainly backdoor action, but, as the first volume showed us, this series has some of the best cover artwork in the business bar none. Seems a shame to have to hide it away in the bottom of a sock drawer or the back of a closet under a crusty towel. Definitely suitable for framing. But then that's just my opinion, and what the hell do I know?

SHOULD HAVE BEEN A SCIENTIST...

I was checking out this morning's Howard Stern show mainly because that's what my clock radio alarm's set to and the country stations in Los Angeles suck. A sane individual does not want to wake up to Toby Keith or Shania Twain. I'm not so sure about waking up to Stern either, but at least at you know what you're going to get. Wednesday morning's guest was Devini Rae, Playboy Magazine's Miss November who is apparently some backwoods honey from Alaska. She got my attention when she started yammering on about anal sex. She claimed to like it. And then spoke for the rest of Modern American Womanhood: "I think that most women are, anymore...the taboo about anal sex is gone." She went on to tell the story of her first anal plooking with her very first boyfriend whom she described as "experimental." What? Was he a National Merit Scholar? Well, you never know. It might have been an interesting Science Fair project. I should have been a scientist, come to think of it.

"OTHER SUBSTANCES?" GAG ME, WHY DON'T YA?

When he story first broke this summer we mentioned it, but then we kind of dropped it, but today's been an incredibly s-l-o-w news day, so we thought we'd bring up the Kobe Bryant story again just because the Lakers' star's attorneys dropped some pretty shocking revelations on Wednesday, claiming that tests on the accuser's underpants allegedly contain "other substances" from a "source" other than Kobe. Now, we've heard that there are some guys out there in Freakville who actually pay good money to buy some porn chick's soiled panties. Not our thing, but, hey, you earn your money, you can spend it however yo see fit. We just wonder, when this trial is over and done, and after all the dust has settled and things get back to normal, how long will it be before these particular panties make their way to eBay? How high will the bidding go? Can that actually happen? As Don King likes to say, "Only in America."

Michael Louis Albo
mike@adultstarsnews.com
or
j45guitar@aol.com

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OCTOBER 15, 2003

WORLD FAMOUS MOONITE BUNNY RANCH PURCHASES MUSTANG RANCH

Celebrating his birthday on Tuesday, owner of the world famous Moonlite Bunny Ranch Dennis Hof spoke by phone about the recent purchase of buildings and fixtures that comprise the Mustang Ranch Annex complex which were auctioned on eBay in bidding that ended on Sunday.
In contrast to what has appeared in other media, Mr. Hof told adultstarsnews.com, that Sunset Thomas actually bought the property "I don't know if she bought this for my birthday or what," said the ebullient brothel owner.
The property was purchased with a high bid of $8,101. So what now?
"We're going to build a brothel museum," says Hof. "Right next to the world-famous Bunny Ranch."
In Hof's vision, a museum makes perfect sense, since both the Mustang Ranch and the Bunny Ranch are, in a sense, historically linked. "The Bunny Ranch was built a year before the Mustang Ranch which became the best-known brothel in America for a time and now the Bunny Ranch is equally as famous. The two of them belong right next to each other. Can you imagine the stories these two brothels can tell?"
Hof's plans call for the museum to be built on 50 acres of land adjacent to the Bunny Ranch property and will eventually include a restaurant and boutique that will sell T-shirts, posters and souvenirs.
Always civic-minded, Hof has mentioned plans that include working with groups that will benefit the state's wild horses, although nothing at this date has been confirmed.

THE IMPORTANCE OF PERMITS...AND TAPE MEASURES

According to D.U.C. of setGO.com there was some trouble on director Toni English's recent Adam & Eve shoot in Ventura County. According to the story, Gina Ryder and Chris Cannon were nearly finished with their scene when a Ventura County Fire Marshal arrived, spoke to the location's owner and then asked the director to see her shooting permit. English did have a permit, but it was for Los Angeles County and the location was a few hundred yards past the county line. The Ventura County official wasn't budging on the issue and so shooting had to be halted until a valid permit could be obtained.

CHANGING IT JUST ENOUGH...

The WB Network's new Romeo-and-Juliet drama Skin set in the San Fernando Valley porn scene mixes up some reality with the fantasy. Ginger Lynn provides some of it playing the role of Amber Synn, a 40-something, former dope addled porn slut who's retired from the business after helping found an X-rated empire founded by the man who once impregnated her...some events of which allegedly bear a spooky reflection on the real life of Ginger Lynn. As Lynn told the Post's Michael Rovner: "You cannot think this character is not based on me, and you cannot think Ron's character is not based on [Vivid Video's Steve] Hirsch." We didn't catch the show, but wonder if there was disclaimer at the end stating that "any similarity between actual persons is coincidental."

RON HIGHTOWER RETURNS TO XXX

This just in from Evolution Erotica: "In 1996, rap legend Tupac Shakur reached out to adult director Ron Hightower to direct his "How Do You Want It' music video. With that entry into the music world, Hightower said goodbye to the industry in which he acted, produced, and directed over 500 projects and pioneered the Black Erotica genre. Over the next seven years Hightower would direct 20 music videos, 15 of which would head straight to #1 on MTV and BET for artists including Faith Evans, Too Short, KC and JoJo, Slick Rick, and Master P. Hot off of features in The Source and Vibe magazines, Hightower will return to adult, as he takes on Evolution Erotica's new "Race Mixers' line.
"He is the Greg Dark of the hip hop world,' Evolution owner Tom Byron said of Hightower's hiring. "I am extremely excited to have him on board and I think his vision and talent will mesh very well with the higher end product we are putting out at Evolution.'
Hightower is excited to be returning to adult as well. But, why the comeback? "I had some friends who were starting an adult website,' Hightower said. "They had shot a scene and asked me to look at it for pointers. It was a train wreck. I am in development for a mainstream movie and I had a few days off, so I told them I would re-shoot the scene for them and give them some pointers as to what to do. When we got done I was looking around like "Who's next? Where's my next scene?' I knew I had to get back in.'"

RON JEREMY IN NEW VIDEO GAME

Gotham Games, the company that brought you the successful Desert Storm, is releasing a new game this week according to Ron Jeremy. Speaking by phone Ron, told adultstarsnews.com, Gotham Games will be "...releasing a game called Celebrity Death Match with Anna Nicole Smith, Tommy Lee, Busta Rhymes, Carmen Electra, Dennis Rodman...They use my voice too." If you like celebrities and if you like death matches, this might be just the game for you.

Michael Louis Albo
mike@adultstarsnews.com
or
j45guitar@aol.com

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OCTOBER 14, 2003

CARMEN LUVANA'S WILD WEEKEND

Our buddy, publicist Brian Gross sends us news of Carmen Luvana's weekend in the Midwest: 'Cleveland, OH—Just named 'Best New Starlet' at the 11th Annual NightMoves Adult Entertainment Awards in Tampa, Carmen Luvana is one adult star who knows how to stay busy. The exclusive Adam & Eve contract star will be participating in a war of words—and paintballs—as she prepareares to square off against popular radio personalities from Cleveland's Xtreme Radio 92.3FM in a paintball battle. The competition, called the Grudge Match, was held on, Friday, October 10, 2003. 'I came to Ohio and immediately found myself in the midst of sex, paintballs and rock & roll,' the performer said. 'I love my job!' On Saturday, October 11, 2003, Carmen was also an official judge in a bikini competition for the Xtreme Radio station. 'The girls here in Cleveland are hot,' exclaimed Luvana. 'This city's great!' Carmen will return to Los Angeles to begin a full shooting schedule for Adam & Eve. Having recently completed 'Sex Across America 9: Puerto Rico,' this lusty Latina is always eager to demonstrate her XXX talents!'

...AND NOW A WORD FROM BRITNEY

It appears that Carmen Luvana isn't the only one who's been keeping busy. We just received this announcement from BisexualBritney. (We always like it when folks get creative and substitute 'cum for 'come.' It's so...well, porn.): 'Cum join me this coming Saturday for another RODS and BODS poker run and Car/Bike Show. We will be visiting all four PT's Gentlemen's Clubs, checking out the hot chicks and enjoying the camaraderie. I will, just as last time, be posing for pictures and signing autographs. If you have one of my movies, bring that along, I will be happy to sign it for you. If you have ever wanted nude girls to pose on your bike, this Saturday is the day. I love bikes and I love being nude. Just ask me, and I will drape my nude body over your bike and you may take all the pictures you like. Registration for this run starts at 11 AM, Saturday, October 18th. The poker run starts at noon. Registration and the departure point is PT's Show Club located at 1601 W. Evans Ave, in Denver. Last time I entered my completely custom made 1983, Honda CB1100F in the judging, it won second place. Now that I have added the nitrous and jumped it over 200 horsepower, let's see if I can win first place. For those of you who do not know, the 1983 Honda CB1100F is one of the rarest super bikes ever made. You have likely never seen one and will likely never see one, unless you see one of the two I own. They only made 4500 of them and they were only made for one year. There is one in the motorcycle historical museum if that gives you an idea as to the rarity and uniqueness of this bike. I will be donating all funds paid me this coming Saturday to my favorite charity, Carnivores Advocating Responsible Eating (CARE). This is an animal defense/rights organization I have given my support to. It is a very worthwhile cause. A cause I believe in so much that I ran for and was elected to, the board of directors. I look forward to seeing my fellow riders and strip club connoisseurs. What better way to spend a Saturday than looking at hot cars, rad bikes and hot, naked girls. Of course, being that PT's is world famous for their girls, we will all have plenty to look at and drool over. As always, e-mail me if you have any questions or need further information.' Don't ask me why, but this girl cracks me up.

HEY, GAUGE, I OFFERED YOU AN OPEN FORUM

None are so blind as they who refuse to see...or something like that. During her recent appearance with Quasarman on KSEX radio show, Metro contract star Gauge seemed to be unhappy about her relationship with the company and her perception of the way she was being promoted. Actually, Gauge feels she's not being promoted. As she said to Quasarman, '...I should be promoted properly, and I don't feel like I'm being promoted. That's why I'm here [on KSEX] doing my show, promoting myself.' Well, all we can say is that we at adultstarsnews.com have attempted several times through the Metro publicity department to contact Gauge and the company's been great and very helpful. Gauge has been otherwise overextended, busy, engaged, and anything but willing to 'promote herself.' However, our offer for an open forum's always open, and we're not planning to go anywhere soon, so...

DO WE REALLY NEED...

Just some thoughts...Do we really need to see another new chick in the porn business called a 'newcummer?' Do we really need to describe the folks who eke out a living writing about this stuff called 'scribes' as if they worked with stylus and chisel? Do we really need to refer to the movies themselves as 'porns?' Please don't get your hackles raised, I'm just wondering.

Michael Louis Albo
mike@adultstarsnews.com
or
j45guitar@aol.com

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OCTOBER 13, 2003

KIKI DAIRE IN AND ON GENT MAGAZINE

Harry Weiss, one of our favorite publicists, just sent us the following notice: "Canoga Park, CA- It's October, however the December issue of Gent magazine has hit the stands, and gracing the cover is busty sex addict Kiki Daire. Ms. Daire is also featured in a nine-page spread including the centerfold. The layout shows Kiki as a cheerleader at home. She does a striptease then gets down and dirty filling her holes with her favorite meat substitutes, a large heavily veined dildo and pink vibe. This marks the first time that Kiki has been featured both on the cover and in the centerfold of a men's magazine." Kiki was kind enough to do one of the first interviews on this site, (and Harry was cool enough to have sent me a nice birthday gift when I was over at Hustler), so we'd like to return the favor and recommend that you all go out and get a copy of Gent.

THE RON JEREMY FILES

He's arguably the best-known adult film star who isn't a gorgeous young woman, and with a phone call from Dennis Hof, owner of the world famous Moonlite Bunny Ranch brothel, adultstarsnews.com will start doing weekly exclusives detailing Ron's adventures. As most of you know, Mr. Jeremy, is a scene-maker of the highest order and I'm already getting nervous at the prospect of having to cover all his many projects thoroughly. It seems like a monumental task. I know a former Hustler editor who was assigned to write to write a feature piece on Ron a few years back and nearly killed the poor guy. "There's just so much stuff here," he said as plowed through his tapes late one night. "Better you than me," I thought at the time. Well, now it's my turn. You, as readers, are going to have ringside seats for glimpse into the lifestyle of one of America's most unlikely celebrities. Only here at adultstarsnews.com.

HOLLY BODY COMMENTS ON THE "G" RUMORS

A while back it was reported that busty porn squidge Holly Body wasn't herself on a Pat Myne shoot. It was surmised that she was tanked on a variety of substances, and had even befouled herself during the course the shoot. Very unpleasant stuff, even for Pornville. Speaking with Jason Sechrest recently, Holly attempted to set the record straight, as it were. "I don't have a drug problem, but I did 'G' that day...It was my first anal back in the business and I was so scared,"Holly explained. She went on to say, "I don't remember a whole lot after that. I remember doing an anal, and I recall being walked to the car by my agent." During her interview, Holly wanted to make it understood that nobody on the set gave her the illegal substance, she supplied it herself and that "it wasn't my intention to do it there." Ah, well-intentioned last words.

A LITTLE HELP, PLEASE?

Okay, I know that some of you readers are pretty hip and knowing folks, so maybe you can help me out with something. I'm trying to find information about an obscure rockabilly singer named Jack Bradshaw who recorded a few sides for the Mar-Vel label back in the late 1950s. There's not much information available about the guy, but, trust me, his music was great...especially "Naughty Girls" and the Buddy Holly-sounding "Oh, Careless Me." Other than a few copies of what the original Mar-Vel labels looked like on the Internet (which makes one wonder where exactly Dwight Yoakam got the inspiration for his "Tomorrow's Sounds Today" album) or a faded photo or two of a young Jack Bradshaw in full singing cowboy regalia, there's not much to go on. Anybody know what happened to Jack Bradshaw? Is he still alive? Where did he go? It just doesn't seem right that he be forgotten by most folks.

Michael Louis Albo
mike@adultstarsnews.com
or
j45guitar@aol.com

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OCTOBER 10, 2003

THE STREETS OF BALTIMORE

In 1966, C&W songwriters Tompall Glaser and Harlan Howard wrote a piece of music called "The Streets of Baltimore" that's been recorded by artists as diverse as Bobby Bare, Gram Parsons and Coldplay. It tells the tale of a country couple who leave the farm for the Big City where, of course, the woman runs wild, the man works hard to keep her happy, and in the end, he goes back home while his "baby walks the streets of Baltimore." The implication being that she's become a gin-soaked hooker. Pretty grim subject matter even for country music back in the mid "60s, but by then Baltimore's rep was starting to slip into the seedy. The city's been on the rebound over the last few years, but, like in a lot of major urban areas, there's still plenty of work to be done. The Associated Press is reporting that publisher Larry Flynt's planned November opening of his newest Hustler strip club in the downtown Baltimore neighborhood known as "The Block" is generating some controversy. According to the AP story: "'When you're walking down the street having to deal with the people driving up, talking to you, making remarks to you, it's not a comfortable situation,' said Julie O'Connor. "(It) doesn't add anything positive to the image of Baltimore.'" Uh, that image is already pretty tarnished from songs like one previously mentioned to television shows and feature films that have been shot in the city over recent years. The Hustler clubs, from what we've seen on the West Coast, have all been well-kept and definitely not seedy, so, given Baltimore's reputation, it might be a leg up. Even if that leg is wrapped around a brass pole.

DEVINN LANE'S "IMPROPER CONDUCT"

From Wicked Pictures comes the following announcement: "Wicked Pictures, a leader in adult entertainment for over ten years, is pleased to announce the DVD release of Devinn Lane's first boy/girl feature, the current AVN Editor's Choice, "Improper Conduct." Directed by multi-award winner Brad Armstrong, 'Improper Conduct' received no less than 13 AVN pre-nomination suggestions from the magazine, including Best Video, Best Director, Best Actor (Steven St. Croix), Best Actress (Devinn), Best Supporting Actress (Bridgette Kerkove), Best Solo Sex Scene (Bridgette Kerkove), Best Group Scene, Best Girl/Girl Scene (Devinn & Bridgette, and Devinn & Aria), Best Couples Sex Scene (Devinn & St. Croix), Best Music, Best Videography, and Best Editing. In addition to the highly lauded movie, the DVD edition of 'Improper Conduct' contains such special features as The Girls Of 'Improper Conduct,' All Access: The Making Of 'Improper Conduct,' Interviews With Devinn Lane And Aria, Audio Commentary With Brad Armstrong And Devinn Lane, and a Behind The Scenes Gallery. The 'Improper Conduct' DVD will arrive in stores Wednesday, October 15th."

DAVID DIAMOND RETURNS TO VCA

We just received this news flash from our pals at VCA Pictures: "After a two year absence, former VCA Interactive salesman David Diamond is returning to VCA to join their new and growing sales team. David returns to VCA from Private USA where he has been a part of their sales team. Before working at Private, David worked at Celestial Productions where he held the position of Production Manager. David Diamond started his career in the adult industry at VCA in 1999 working with the then burgeoning VCA Interactive division. "We are thrilled to have David back here at VCA. He's a really positive addition to what is promising to be a truly dynamic sales team.' Says VCA President, Don McDonald. For any further questions David Diamond can be reached at (818) 718-0202." So now you know.

DIGITAL G'S "SECRET SINS"

Digital G's Director Of Talent and Marketing, Robert Lombard, wrote in to let us know that his company's latest release, "Secret Sins" will pair up AVN award winners Syren and Ava Vincent in what Lombard describes as a "journey of greed, lust and sexual encounters..." Also in the cast are Jezebelle Bond, Gina Ryder, Taylor St. Claire, TJ Hart, Tina Tyler, Michelle Raven and others too. The final scene will be a showdown between Syren and Vincent not unlike their pairing in James Avalon's "Les Vampyres." The DVD version will come complete with interviews with both Vincent and Syren along with specially selected photos and an extended bonus scene from the company's third release, "Club Fantasy."

Michael Louis Albo
mike@adultstarsnews.com
or
j45guitar@aol.com

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OCTOBER 9, 2003

MORNING SICKNESS

She may have lost the California recall gubernatorial election (as if she stood a chance), but Mary Carey's not done surfing the publicity wake just yet. Those of us lucky enough to have huddled through the political storm without taking to arms, blowing out our brains or just being fortunate enough to have cast a ballot, will now have the completely horrifying vision of Mary delivering the morning weather report on local Los Angeles television station KTLA...Channel 5 on your dial, kiddies. No shit. During the 8:00 broadcast. My advice? Sleep in. Read a newspaper. Say a prayer for the duped and deceived. Call KTLA and voice your concern about their exploitation of the retarded. Just do something, okay?

SO MUCH SHIT IN TEXAS, BOUND TO STEP IN SOME

Albino guitar slinger Johnny Winter once sang a song called "Dallas" that had some lines that went: "I believe that Dallas/Is the meanest town I know/Because you ain't safe in Dallas/I don't care where you go." Well, that's just Johnny's story. JFK didn't fare too well in the city either as I recall, but porn squack Montana Gunn has a different take on the burg and is leaving LA for Texas. As she told our friends at adultFYI.com: "I can't stand California. I used to live in Dallas. I came out here with high hopes, but I had such a tough time finding a place to live. Me and my man are settling in back in Dallas and I'm much happier." It's also being reported that Gunn will continue to work in the XXX industry, but will "commute" from her new home. She will also be maintaining her website which can be found at www.montanagunn.com. Johnny Winter still lives in Texas too and is still an albino.

HOPPIN' DOWN BUNNY'S TRAIL

We related a story a while back that involved former porn squidge Bunny Bleu. Just when you thought she was just dim memory, a faded ghost on old video tape, her name pops up in a message sent in to setGO.com. Apparently, Bunny's working at some place in Seattle, WA, called the Asian Health Spa, although, trust me on this one, boys and girls, she's not Asian. If you're a member of Yahoo, you might want to check out yahoo groups where there's supposedly a photo of Bunny but with her face blanked out.

HOT BABES, UGLY GUYS

Cable Channel VH1 devotes an entire episode of its series "All Access" to this "phenonemon" and we're going to run the press release we received, because we're nice, courteous people, but, come on, we all know the reason why average (that's a better word than "ugly" isn't is?) looking (celebrity) guys get "hot" chicks, don't we? Because they're RICH CELEBRITIES! Cripes! You need a TV show to tell you that? Okay, here's the release: "Jesse Capps, owner of RockConfidential.com, makes his small screen debut on VH1's 'All Access' this Saturday, October 11, at 11 AM EST. The episode Capps appears in is called 'Hot Babes, Ugly Guys.' The purpose of this episode is to point out the endless supply of celebrity couples that consist of a beautiful woman and some lucky, ugly guy. Gene Simmons, Dennis Rodman, Ron Jeremy, Ric Ocasek, and Lyle Lovette
are just a few of the 'ugly guys,' while Carmen Electra, Jenna Jameson, Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox, and Robin Givens are included in the never-ending supply of 'hot babes.' 'They were looking for someone with a sarcastic sense of humor that knew a lot about hot chicks and rock "n roll,' says Capps. 'That pretty much sums me up! You can't get much closer than that!' Capps, who VH1 calls an 'industry expert,' was invited by the shows' producers to take part in the series. After completing the initial shoot he was asked to participate in another episode whose working title is, 'Robbing The Cradle Of Love.' The tentative air date for that episode is late October. RockConfidential.com is the hottest music and adult related site on the internet. The site features original columns from porn stars Christi Lake, Jacklyn Lick, and Mike South. Other columns cover a wide array of topics, from copyright law to an advice column for women. Recent features include an interview with porn legend Jill Kelly, Jacklyn Lick's personal account of backstage concerts, and the ever present RC Girls. For more information or to request an interview, please contact Jesse Capps at: jesse@rockconfidential.com http://www.rockconfidential.com http://www.rc69.com."

Michael Louis Albo
mike@adultstarsnews.com
or
j45guitar@aol.com

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OCTOBER 8, 2003

I WENT DOWN TO MY LOCAL POLLING PLACE...

...Just to get my fair share of abuse. Because I registered too late, I wasn't able to do the vote-by-mail thing, so I had to drag my poor, pitiful, ill self down to my neighborhood polling center. Unlike the tony, upscale booths haunted by the likes Larry "The Smut Peddler Who Cares" Flynt and other high-profile candidates, the 548 Building in Downtown LA was pretty much off the television radar. No cameras. No lights. Plenty of action. Located catty-corner from the Alexandria Hotel, it was a step back into 1935. Standing in line with saints, sinners, the doped, the duped, the down and out and the newly arrived, it was a valuable experience and one I"d highly recommend for any politician. Come on down here and see how a lot of people are living these days. Overhearing the talk, none of them seemed that happy with any of you. And speaking of happy...Wayne C. Lewis of adultFYI.com interviewed Holly Halston about my LEAST favorite sideshow freak "candidate" Mary Carey. Apparently, Halston's not a fan of Carey's either: "She's a total little trashy whore and needs to get out of the business. She's not accepted by anyone because she's fucked us all over...by canceling bookings at dance clubs, looking for more money now that she's running for office, you can't do that. It's hard enough to get features, but by doing what she did, that looks like shit to all of us." Well, I didn't vote for Mary.

PORN AND DRUGS

What is going on here, kids? It's always amazed me how, in a business where a chick's ability to shove multiple objects up her rectum is considered a prized commodity, the very mention of the possibility that she might use or have used drugs at some point in her life is cause for tearing her down. Did I miss something here? She's a PORN chick! For months there's been hand-wringing over whether or not a certain company's contract star "has a problem" with certain substances. Another porn chick, lately the object of derision for "flaking" allegedly due to substance abuse has been crucified as a cracked-out "whore" on another website. She's a PORN chick! She's supposed to be free of demons? Porn chicks, whether on dope or not, are notoriously flakey. Ask any veteran. Michael Carpenter, who's been around since the days when porn was carved on cave walls always told me, "Well, what do you expect? They're "models.'" There also seems to be a free pass for certain types of drugs. A girls uses Ecstasy? Okay. She smokes freebase cocaine or uses junk? She's a useless whore. I don't know, maybe I'm just Old School, but I KNOW what to expect from a stone junkie. All I can tell you about an X-head is that she won't shut up, listens to crappy music and dances like an asshole. So, you all need to check yourselves. These are porn squidges, not prom queens. And don't even get me started on the guys in this business. Oh, and for those of you well intentioned folks who've written in and recommended all sorts of cures for my insomnia, thanks, I appreciate the advice, but I've traveled that road, and look where it's taken me.

MALORIE MARX COMES CLEAN

Malorie Marx is a porn chick. Malorie Marx has flaked several times on Wanker Wang. Malorie Marx paid the price by being vilified as dope-addled, swinish, whore. Malorie Marx now responds by writing in to slainwayne.com in her on defense: "First off, I would like to apologize to every person that I have infamously flaked on, I AM TRULY SORRY. It has been almost 2 years since I shot my first scene with Hustler, and I have had my glory days and notoriously my bad days. Slain Wayne has given me a forum, to clear my name from all the shit that has been said. Now I am not going to go around and say all of it is not true, because that would be a lie, and for those of you who actually knew anything about me, a liar I am not. Also I am not going to give you a bowl full of excuses either because I take blame for every time I flaked on a company. What I am asking for is for the benefit of the doubt and to possibly ignore all the childish rumors that W. W. has choose to spread about me. I can honestly say that hooking up with him must have been the most ignorant decision I have ever made in my entire life!!! And coming from me, that's horribly because I have done my fair share of ignorant "things." Again I am not going to lie, I am pretty sure all who knows me, as well as myself, know that I have fallen off (a few times) but this time I am back and more sober than ever!!!!! I have decided to clean my act up and cum back to the industry and try to clean my name too. Now I am hoping that all of you who read this will at least give me one more chance at the business, I am reassuring you all that I won't let anybody down, this time. And plus, my scenes are always HOT!!!!!! This is to W. W: You and all the malicious acts you have done to ruin my name is just "child's play.' How do you get off incriminating myself as well as all the other victims you have choose to make a fool of? Don't you see you are the only one being made a fool of? Nothing that you do or say really hurts me, whenever I actually waste my time to look on the lukeford.com site to see what new updates you have up, I just sardonically laugh at all the bullshit you have alluded your mind into believing. Why don't you get off your lazy ass and speak publicly or at least to my face or tell the truth? If half of the shit you say where true I wouldn't be a pissed off as I am. What possessed you to actually keep my shit from me and then go around and spread word to the world that I actually didn't try to contact you, multiple times, and get my stuff from you????? You know as well as I do that I tried to get all of my stuff from you many times. How dare you, just because I wouldn't give you my first DP!?!? And also you know what is in that metal box of yours too, so if I was you I wouldn't be so stupid to open it on the worldwide net. The only person that would affect would be yourself. Oh and one more thing, S****g Chickens, I wasn't compensated for it, so I am pretty sure that you would want to pay me before publishing it, I don't think you have time for a lawsuit. Well I would like to thank all of you who actually took the time in reading this and to Slain Wayne for letting me express my caged in thoughts to you all. If you have any response towards this please feel free to e-mail me at Maloriemarx@yahoo.com." I like the part where she uses "alluded" when she means "deluded." She did, to her credit, correctly use "sardonically." That's not a word you hear many porn girls using.

TROUBLE IN PORN PARADISE?

From setGO.com comes the following from hardcoregossip.com about the breakup of Tiffani Shanihan and Joey Ray. So you think porn breakups fall into that "we're all just one big happy family" image certain people would like to have you believe? Well here's a little excerpt from an e-mail purportedly from Ms. Shanihan regarding Mr. Ray: "...I threw him out of my house. He had no money and nowhere to go. Not a one of our friends would rent him a room. So Joey moved in with a girl in the business and she is now his girlfriend. Joey brags at how talented his girlfriend is to anyone who will listen. She can do double anal. She can stick her fist up her ass. I'm sure Joey's mother would be proud of her son and his new girlfriend. But the fact of the matter is Joey's mother doesn't know that he is a porn star. Also Joey's new girlfriend is only six years older than his daughter..." Trust me, kids, it's gets harsher from there. Still, it's pretty interesting to read. And just when you thought YOUR life pretty much sucked.

Michael Louis Albo
mike@adultstarsnews.com
or
j45guitar@aol.com

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OCTOBER 7, 2003

THE PORN/WRESTLING CONNECTION

Recently I puzzled over why so many guys in this business salivated over pro wrestling. I never understood the attraction. I thought maybe some of you readers could offer some explanations. "J" from Las Vegas wrote: "I think the reason many porn stars like pro wrestling is that the lives of the performers are similar. Both are doing something that looks real but is not ACTUALLY real. Porn stars have sex with people they don't really love or care about in real life and wrestlers beat on each other in a real looking way, but with the total cooperation of their coworkers. Plus both are treated poorly by the executives in their industry. Further, as a result of that, many turn to drugs to cope. Another similarity is the need for both groups to look physically attractive; both groups make a living off of their bodies." Okay. That's plausible enough. I thought it was maybe because they were some kind of closet "mos or something.

AND NOW A WORD FROM DAVE CUMMINGS...

From the Dave Files, comes the latest from the diary of everybody's favorite Vietnam vet-turned elderly porn stud: "...The past month began with a 3-day trek back to my hometown of Saratoga Springs, New York to attend my 45th Saratoga High School Class Reunion. Known for its famous horse racing racetrack, which I worked at for the three summers during my college days, the city hasn't changed much; however, we classmates certainly have! I guess we're all definitely showing our aging, some of us more than others, and that I personally had better start realizing how much of an old fart I really am, notwithstanding my porn world happenings and how "pornfully' young I actually feel! It was also painfully apparent to me how fortunate I am to still routinely have sex on film with women 30-40+ years younger than my 63 years of age; indeed, I'm spoiled! I love my classmates and our childhood experiences, but my present porn life seems much more sexually exciting, happy, and fun-filled! Interestingly, I was reminded by some of the girls from (our sister school) St Peter's High how I was the first boy they ever kissed...I must have been overcharged with testosterone, even early on in life. The entire reunion weekend was nostalgic and fun, though there was zero sex available; fortunately, I had jetted home on the day following the filming of "Screw My Wife, Please, Volume 37" where I was sexually involved in two of the five scenes, and with another actress while doing behind-the-scenes stuff for the DVD release." Dave, easy on the exclamation points. You get any more excited, the Thorazine Patrol is going to need to make a personal call on you.

SINEPLEX LESBO ANAL HARDCORE

My pal Travis Nestor over at Sineplex Entertainment just sent me the following press release. Sounds like a winner. "Sineplex Entertainment will release its newest line "Les Perversions,' on October 8th, 2003. Former Jill Kelly Productions contract slut, Cynara Fox makes her first anal showing for this hardcore lesbo movie. Asian beauty Lilly Thai squirts so massive, Old Faithful would be jealous. Little cock sockets Austin O'Reily and Rhannon Bray get down and dirty eating and fucking each others tight little assholes. Britney Sky and Honey suffering from a little penis envy strap it on and fuck Katrina Kraven's tight pussy and even tighter asshole. Barley Legal English sex pot Pixie, and hardcore cutie Betty Sue decide to have some Popsicles on a hot summer day, too bad they insert them into their asses and pussy and not their mouths. "These chicks are every man's fantasy. They are hot, sexual and they don't fuck other guys. This tape is some of the hottest girl-on-girl sex ever. These are the chicks you wish your girlfriend was like,' said Travis Nestor, Director of Marketing for Sineplex Entertainment. "Les Perversions' is filled with gaping asses, rimming, A2M, A2OGM, pussy eating and double penetrations with toys. "Les Perversions' will be available on DVD, VHS and VOD. A trailer for "Les Perversions' is available at http://www.sineplex.com/html/trailer_display.php/trailer_id=3723
For more information please check out: www.sineplex.com or www.gtflix.com. For sales please contact Dean Sussman: (866) 487-9975 or dean@sineplex.com. For public relations please contact Travis Nestor: (818) 994-9009 or travis@sineplex.com." So there you have it. The rest is up to you, Sporty-Boy.

A ROY AND HIS TIGER

By now, I'm sure you've all heard the news about Friday's accident during the Siegfried and Roy show during which Roy Horn, the dark haired half of the not-so sexually-ambiguous magic duo, was grabbed by the throat by one of the show's tigers and nearly killed. Roy's still in critical condition and the show's future is in limbo. Still, there was a ray of mirth with one of the original wire reports of the event. The Associated Press reported at the time of the attack that "...he [Roy] tried to beat the animal off with a microphone." Hey, if you're going to try a stunt like THAT, maybe you should try to pet the tiger first. A little foreplay might have been appreciated.

THANKS

Oh, my thanks to those of you who've called or wrote to ask how I'm feeling. The fact that my responses were about two or three words in length should give you some idea. Still, it was very thoughtful of you all.

Michael Louis Albo
mike@adultstarsnews.com
or
j45guitar@aol.com

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OCTOBER 6, 2003

DEATH RIDES THE METROLINK

Okay, so I was pretty sure I was a goner. I was packing a bag and waiting for Sis or her husband to come and get me so I could least check out with some people who knew me close at hand, but as I stuffed clean clothes into my bindle, I pretty much realized that any ride on Thursday night was out of the question. There was just no way. Lifting a sock wracked me out solid. I called the cell phone number and got Sis before she hit the freeway and told her I'd just catch the MetroLink the next morning. Then I called Pop and asked him to meet me at the station when the train arrived. That set, I slipped off into fever dreams but the phone kept ringing all night long. Left for the station via the Red Line subway and knew it was a mistake as soon as I crossed Hill Street. My lips, hands and feet were going numb and my ears were ringing with this high-pitched whine from some radio station on one of Saturn's outer rings. Underneath it all, was an endless tape loop of the Everly Brothers' "Sleepless Nights." Get to Union Station, and if you've never been, it has a cathedral quality that's comforting. I buy my ticket from a machine, but only have a twenty and the thing starts spitting back Susan B dollars (when was the last time you saw ONE of those?) like a busted slot machine as a real live rail bum taps my shoulder and asks me if I have any rolling papers. I turn to look at him and he says, "Jesus, buddy..." Things just fuzz out and pinpoint to nothing like someone's just turned off the cosmic television set. Next thing I know, I'm staring into a black face with the friendliest brown eyes I've ever seen. First thought, no lie, "Man, I've just been routed to the wrong heaven." Next thought: "They gonna let me play bluegrass stuff up here?" Then I get a little more focused and realize it's an Amtrak Redcap and he's asking me if I'm okay. "Yeah. Just sick. Straightened up too fast. Nothing contagious. I get ripped off?" He laughs. "No, sir. I was too fast." He had to be in his 60s, so good for him. Never caught his name, but there are some good people in this cruel world. Rode the rail and met my Pop who took me to the old homestead. Got some R&R, and should have stayed because I still feel as unhinged as an old screen door. But, hey, the fever's down, I've got stuff to do, and the world keeps spinning, so what am I'm supposed to do?

FLYNT A NO-SHOW AT "FRISCO RALLY

Taking a cue from other legendary no-show celebrities like Riotmaster Sly Stone and George Jones, Larry Flynt blew off his appearance at his North Beach Hustler. From the San Francisco Examiner: "The gubernatorial candidate didn't show up to his own event, held at the North Beach Hustler Club. Not many other people did either. The few in attendance, however, were disappointed that the rally didn't meet its billing. One woman pointed to a flyer that read "Meet the man—the mythâ—the legend —and show your support.'...Instead of polittical discourse on campaign finance reform, it was a night of $2 drink discounts. Rather than banter of who dropped in the polls, it was a night of sliding down poles. And instead of excitement derived from hanging chads, it came from dancers hanging upside down. There was, however, the constant thrust for fund-raising. It was business—and politics—as usual......" And, kiddies, there's a lesson for all of us in there somewhere.

...AND THE WORLD STOPS SPINNING ON ITS AXIS!

While I was out trying to recuperate, the porn world just kept rotating. I just got home, fed my vicious little birdie (well, vicious to you...she likes me, but I saved her life, so she owes me), and started plowing through my e-mail. Cool off the wire from Steve Banan is the reported news that Jewel De'Nyle and Michael Stefano are divorcing. There's even an exclamation point to denote the grave nature of this news. Let's pray it's not true. I, for one, am having enough trouble in my life without having to worry about Jewel and Michael's happiness. Will it never stop? Probably not. But that's porn for you.

Michael Louis Albo
mike@adultstarsnews.com
or
j45guitar@aol.com

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OCTOBER 3, 2003

LOVE IS STRANGE...REMEMBERING JOHN HOLMES

My good friend Allen MacDonell, the former main man at Hustler, has just had a feature article published in the LA Weekly about the life and hard times of John Holmes, the Wonderland murders, and the movie Wonderland. To say it's deep would be doing Allen a disservice. You need to read the piece. Funny, but when Allen was decommissioned from LFP, I made a call on his behalf to the owner of another West Coast magazine to let the owner know that Allen was available. "Tell him I'll give him a call," was the response. I spoke to Allen a few days later. He never got the call. Probably for the best. Allen's too talented to be wasting his time writing about the latest porn chick flap. For the full article, click over to http://www.laweekly.com/ink/03/46/features-macdonnel.php. In the meantime, here's a taste from the LA Weekly article, relating a meeting with one woman who knew the late Mr. Holmes well. Dedicated porn fans can figure out her identity on their own: "When Dawn Schiller, sitting over coffee at a Beverly Hills hotel, tells of Holmes' nasty depths, of the repeated pimping and beatings, she also manages to communicate something of the flawed, destructive humanity of the guy. "My memories are that I loved him,' she says. "I want to say that. I loved him. I don't want to say that that wasn't real, or that that wasn't okay. I want to say that it was real, and that it was good. The times that I despised him and feared him are the last times that I remember with him, but they aren't the only times. Right now, today, I remember the whole. He lost the battle. He saw it coming with the breaking of the pipe, all the way back then. He tried to stop the freight train.'"

BERNIE GOETZ KEEPS HIS COOL

He went off on a bunch of kids whom he claimed threatened him with a screwdriver on a New York City subway car, but Bernhard Goetz, who actually had the chance to do some good in this world when he was seated at the same table with Mary Carey...awwww, forget it. Is it just me, or has this whole country just gone completely off the tracks? You be the judge. Here's the story from the New York Post: "Arnold Schwarzenegger may be set to sweep California Gov. Gray Davis out of office, but porn star/fringe candidate Mary Carey garnered the lustiest applause at yesterday's lunch at Michael Jordan's Grand Central steakhouse sponsored by The Week magazine. Panelists Ron Reagan, Ed Klein, Tom Hayden and Barry Goldwater Jr. debated the Arnie-inspired topic, "Is California Crazy?' Carey, who was seated at a table that included Mark Green, Bernhard Goetz and Sylvia Miles, articulated her kooky campaign platform: keep California bars open 'til 4 a.m., tax breast implants and wire the statehouse with Web-cams for live Internet feeds. "We'll charge people 20 bucks a month,' the buxom blonde enthused. "Imagine if we had that when Bill Clinton was in office - it could be really exciting!' The lunch's other memorable quote came from former California congressman Goldwater, who defended the state with this nutty nugget: "New York is crazy, too. Where else can you get a chocolate milkshake with chocolate ice cream? Usually you can only get a chocolate milkshake with vanilla ice cream.' By the way, what the fuck was Bernie Goetz doing at this freak show anyway? Oh, right. Freak show. Sorry. Antibiotics. Fever. Poisons refiltering through my system. Ghost of Hank Williams fades in out of my old wingback chair with a bottle of Old Rebel and croons, "I saw the light...BUT THERE AIN'T NO LIGHT!" I think maybe I should dial 911.

NEWS FLASH FROM WICKED PICTURES

Okay, so I'm no fun. We've established that a long, long time ago. Right now, I'm feeling like I'm fixing to die. So, without comment, here's a press release from my pal Daniel Metcalf at Wicked Pictures: OXNARD, CA – This normmally quiet coastal city is getting a blast of Wicked excitement this weekend as Julia Ann hits the town with back-to-back public appearances Friday & Saturday, October 3rd and 4th. October 3rd from 6-10pm, and again on Saturday, October 4th from 6-10pm, the Wicked Pictures contract performer will be meeting with her fans, posing for photos, and signing autographs at Romantics, located at 1120 Mercantile Street in Oxnard, California in celebration of their grand opening. Julia Ann's latest Wicked release, The Assignment, hit shelves simultaneously on DVD and VHS last Wednesday, and her big budget Michael Raven production Beautiful is a current AVN Editor's Choice. So get ready for another Wicked Weekend in the Golden State. There's no better way to beat the heat…and no better time to expllore the exotic world of Wicked Pictures.

MORE RIB-TICKLING, SIDE-SPLITTING FUN TO COME

Yes, kiddies, Uncle Mikey's feels like he's headed for the Last Roundup, so saddle up Old Paint, he's been a good pony to me. Jeez! The phone just rang and it sounded like God's own Voice. It was just my dad. Thank goodness I've got people fairly nearby. Sis or my brother-in-law is coming to the rescue and pulling me out of here for a few days because I obviously can't take of myself all that well. My girl's working on her doctoral dissertation and pretty much told me I was own. Well, I can always rely on my own blood to help me out. So, I am out of here. I hope I'll be back on Monday. We'll see. If you don't hear from me, check your local porn obituaries. Not the mark I wanted to leave on this world, but I was a late-bloomer and not even half-started. Like the song says: "I'm a poor cowboy and I know I've done wrong."

Michael Louis Albo
mike@adultstarsnews.com
or
j45guitar@aol.com

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OCTOBER 2, 2003

WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL WONDERLAND

James Cox's film Wonderland is set to open and you can be sure everybody in the business will have something to say about it from "I remember John Holmes" veterans, to "things-were-never-that-out-of-control" positivists, to the "I'm-too-young-to-remember-and-I-just-want-to-make-money-and-nobody-uses-drugs-in-this-business-anymore-anyway" boomers on down the line. The review in the Village Voice hints that Val Kilmer's portrayal of Holmes is a more reptilian extension of his Jim Morrison impersonation in Oliver Stone's The Doors. So why are some brutal, cocaine-and-cash-oriented murders that involve a strung-out porn stud on the downside of his career still attracting attention after more than 20 years? I honestly don't know. People seem to be drawn to stories of the dark, dreary and depressing. Just keep them as stories, please. God forbid any of the darkness seep into their own lives or that of their loved ones. Maybe. Maybe it's just a sideshow curiosity and you all know how much folks love those. But what the hell do I know? I haven't even seen the movie yet. Don't know if I will. I do know that I"ll be hearing an awful lot about it. And so will you.

COULD SOMEBODY PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME?

You know, I've been skulking around this business in one form or another for close to 15 years. That's a long, hard road. In all that time I've met some interesting people and learned some dark little secrets. I've also picked up on some pretty well-known facts. One of them being that a great number of guys in the porn business are deep into professional wrestling. I never really understood it. When I was a kid, pro wrestling always seemed kind of faded, tacky and, well, too many guys and not enough chicks. Roller derby, now that was a different story. I've tried to understand the wrestling fascination for years, but still keep coming up empty. Sure, the "stories" between the "bouts" seem to reflect the porn world with the feuds and the whatnot, but, in the end, what do you really have? Two muscle-head dudes, oiled up in skimpy clothes and play tussling with one another. Is it just me, or does there seem to be some sort of not-so-hidden subtext? If you have any ideas, please write in. I've always wanted to know what the deal is with this wrestling thing.

BIG PORN PARTY!

Video companies Red Light District and Sineplex Entertainment will be cohosting a party with Colin Malone the host of the popular "Colin After Dark" cable television show. The bash will be held on October 8, 2003, at one of Los Angeles's newest clubs located at 9000 Sunset Boulevard. Colin will be doing interviews with guests of note for the upcoming season of his show. Sineplex spokesman Travis Nestor says of the soiree, "This is the first time that Red Light District and Sineplex have teamed up. With Colin on board, this should be one of the best events for the adult industry." Sounds like a good time, doesn't it? Sounds like the place to be, huh? Why not slip on over and check it out for yourself? Just remember two things: Proper attire is required, and you must RSVP no later than October 7, 2003. That sounds easy enough, right? To RSVP, contact Cassi@redlightdistrictvideo.com or Travis@sineplex.com or call (818) 994-9009.

JUST LIKE BILL HOLDEN'S BLUES...

May the Lord have mercy on me for past sins for which I'm now apparently paying. Didn't the late actor William Holden die after stumbling in drunken stupor and cracking his head open on the edge of a coffee table? This stupid kidney infection of mine, despite the antibiotics, has left me with what I suspect is a pretty high fever (I ran out of the disposable thermometers I had, so all I have to go on is that I'm hallucinating and finally understand that line from Stephen Foster's "Ol' Susanna" about "..the sun so hot I froze to death...) and this tendency towards lightheadedness when standing or sitting. I smacked my melon on the edge of the desk and just looked at the clock. I've been out cold for an hour. My one-legged parakeet who'd been hopping around the loft woke me by pecking at my eyelashes. Trust me, that's not a good way to come back to the Land of the Real. I don't know. Maybe I should get a second opinion. Sooner or later, we've all got to pay for wrongs we've done. I'm on the installment plan, and one of my payments is due. They never tell you about the hidden surcharges though.

Michael Louis Albo
mike@adultstarsnews.com
or
j45guitar@aol.com

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OCTOBER 1, 2003

YOUR CHANCE TO MEET LARRY FLYNT

Although there are a number of former Larry Flynt Publications, Incorporated, drones, myself included, who found ourselves out on the street when the "Smut Peddler Who Cares" eliminated our jobs earlier this year, Larry Flynt, another one of the seemingly 10,000 choices Californians will have in the upcoming gubernatorial recall vote, will be staging a grand opening of the new Larry Flynt's Hustler Bar and Grill next to the San Diego branch of his Hustler Hollywood store. Flynt will be on hand for a one-hour personal appearance and autograph session on Thursday, October 2 from 7 p.m. to 8 p.m. at the downtown San Diego location. Also on hand will be, of course, some of the Hustler Honeys. No word if Mr. Flynt plans to address the state's current economic woes during his appearance.

HAS IT REALLY BEEN FIVE YEARS?

Super-publicist Harry Weiss is reporting that Sean Michaels has managed a deal for sexy Latin porn chick Dee to do her first anal scene in five years. Five years? Has it really been that long? Jeez. Time flies. According to Mr. Weiss, Dee and Sean Michaels will do the deed in a movie to be titled "Rock That Ass #23: The Return of Sean Bond." My surprise comes not because Dee performed in very many of these types of scenes, but the ones she did were pretty memorable, so they sort of stuck in the porn canon. According to Weiss, Dee wants it known that her upcoming scene with Michaels is not the signal of a trend and she has no plans to become a backdoor ballerina. Too bad. She'd be a good one. But that's just my opinion. "Rock That Ass #23: The Return of Sean Bond," will feature footage shot in the United States and the Czech Republic. We'll keep you posted as to its release date.

FALL'S HERE...TIME FOR REALITY PORN?

Seaside residents of California know that fall's the season of the shark. The white shark in particular. The Landlord. The Man in the Gray Suit. Whitey's put in a couple of early appearances this year, killing a woman who was foolishly swimming with seals at Avila Beach and later a whole pack of the sharks swarmed in on a whale carcass down at the San Onofre bluffs. At this time of the year, the really big ones start cruising the waters near Santa Cruz and Año Nuevo Island looking for elephant seals. A now-retired porn chick named Debi Diamond, in a speed-freak funk once told me that if she were to commit suicide she'd want to "...hire a boat, chum the water, and jump in when a few great whites started getting good and hungry. Wouldn't that be a beautiful way to die? To know that you were going to end up feeding something that powerful?" Me? I can think of about 2,000 ways I'd rather check out of this mean old world and none of them involve being attacked by a fish the size of Ford-150. However, I wouldn't mind watching a group of stout-hearted porn stars wait for the peak of the shark season, get some gonzo company to put up the bucks and then stage a paddle board race around Año Nuevo Island. Even better would be a live Internet broadcast of the event. I call intellectual property rights. Sex sells, but the possibility of live shark attacks sells even better. Oh, yeah, I guess after the race you could tack on a BJ or whatever else you want to stage with the survivors. It wouldn't be porn without the sex, would it?

Michael Louis Albo
mike@adultstarsnews.com
or
j45guitar@aol.com