FOR THOSE WHO HAVE SENT E-MAIL
ALBO E-MAIL
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SEPTEMBER 30, 2003

THE THINGS YOU REMEMBER...

Porn legend Christy Canyon relates a story in her new tell-all book which might lead one to believe that a well-known, mainstream Hollywood star might, well, you know, go both ways. At least that was the implication of her story. Whether or not the story's true, who can say except those who were present at the time...and, trust me, I wasn't anywhere near the joint. However, I do recall that many years ago, when I first stumbled onto my old gig at Hustler Erotic Video Guide, a porn girl named Bunny Bleu made an appointment to see me. Having heard the name, but not being able to place face to name, I made a quick run down to the Hustler archives and was able to do a quick bit of research. Valley-girl type. Archetypal blond, flat-chested mall-rat. When she arrived, she had done one of those porn slut presto-chango transformations and was now a pumped-up, athletic redhead with breast implants two-sizes two large for her tiny frame. Cool. A real 100%, mid-'90s porn squack. We went next door to Kate Mantilini's, a bar and grill, to do an interview, during the course of which Bunny and I tossed back a few and she related to me the following the story about Christy's mainstream Hollywood friend. Now, remember, this story was told to me by a drunken porn chick, so whether or not it's true is anybody's guess. That's why I've decided not to mention any names. As Bunny told the story: a well-known talent agent was hosting a party and had as his guests several of his clients and Christy's Hollywood friend. Bunny, being one of the guests, needed to use the bathroom, and blundered upon the Hollywood star "engaged" with a well-known porn stud who, for years, has been the speculation of "is he or isn't he?" rumors. So was Bunny telling me the straight dope, or was she just yammering some goofy, one-vodka-tonic-too-many barroom bullshit? I don't know, and, after all these years, I don't really care. It's just that sometimes, in this business, you seem to catalog the most unimportant things imaginable.

A DAY WITHOUT MARY

Where's an Arthur Bremmer when you really need him? (And that's a JOKE, kids!) Mary Carey made another stunningly, well, Mary-esque, appearance on Monday's Howard Stern radio show. Poor Mary! Things haven't been going all hat well for her...except for the ton of publicity she's been garnering with this run for California governor. Fortunately for us all, this mess will be finished in a little over a week and Mary can go back to being the normal porn squidge that she was born to be. The campaign effort seems to be taking its toll on her, if the appearance of Stern's show can be any measure. She copped to arriving at the studio in a drunken stupor. Never a good move for a campaigning politician. She also talked a good deal about a go-round with the clap and her "breakup" with Tom Green...if hanging out with a guy for a few hours actually makes for a relationship. And on and on it went, tragedy after tragedy. Poor, poor Mary. Oh, and she's trailing in the polls. Can things get any worse for Mary Carey? Well, she's a porn chick, and these folk have an uncanny ability to land on their feet, drunk, diseased, rejected or just fouled up by their own best intentions. I wouldn't count her out just yet.

SHE SAID, SHE SAID

Porn girl feuds. You've got to love them. The high intensity rage. The drama. The sheer mean-spirited nature of the conflicts. And, then, when all the ammunition is spent, there's always that little caveat, like "But I really like her and hope she straightens herself out before she's 40...which will be, like, in two weeks." Such has been the case between Vivid Video's Tawny Roberts and Pleasure Productions' Gina Lynn. Once friends, but, now apparently ready to gun one another down on sight, their spat is a replay of one that veterans of this business have witnessed too many times before, but never get tired of watching. Hey, we're guys and what guy doesn"t like a good catfight? For some pretty funny reading, I advise you click on over to adultFYI.com and check out the running commentary between the two XXX stars and see how a porn girl battle of words breaks down. It's very insightful. Just don't take sides. That's a sucker's bet.

WE'RE A LITTLE SHORT TODAY...

Apologies for the brevity of today's news. After a week of shuffling around with a fever and other horrific symptoms too disgustingly painful even to describe on an anything-goes site like this, I went to see my doctor and was told that I have a kidney infection. Needless to say, I'll keep cranking out the daily posts, but, you'll forgive me if they get, well, a little off-track...maybe. You know how fever mixed with antibiotics can affect one's outlook on life. (And, yeah, I know, a couple of weeks ago it was insomnia that was pulling me off-track. What can I tell you? It's been one completely broken-down summer.)

Michael Louis Albo
mike@adultstarsnews.com
or
j45guitar@aol.com

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SEPTEMBER 29, 2003

AVN SHUFFLES THE DECK...AGAIN

Tod Hunter, a six-year veteran of AVN was let go from the company on Friday and was reportedly replaced by Adam Film World's Jared Rutter continuing what one insider termed a "revolving-door" relationship between the two publications. I don't know if that's an exactly fair description, since AVN's publisher Tim Connelly was a long-time Adam Film World employee and it's only natural to bring in people with whom one is familiar. In other words, it's just business. Word has it that Tod has been offered a position at Adam Film World. Whether or not he decides to accept has not been announced at this time. The big speculation now is whether or not a so-called "purge" will begin at AVN with other long time staffers being laid off. Also being speculated upon is the future of the X-Rated Critics Organization (XRCO), which Rutter headed for many a year. Whatever happens, we wish everyone the best. These are certainly interesting times in which we live.

GINA LYNN'S TRIFECTA

Word comes from the publicity department of Pleasure Productions that the company's contract star Gina Lynn's winning streak continues unabated as she manages the somewhat difficult task of keeping herself known in both adult and mainstream entertainment worlds. Ms. Lynn is featured on the cover of Bizarre Magazine's October issue. If you're not familiar with Bizarre, it' a mainstream magazine that's quite the hit in Europe and is starting to make inroads in the crowded American magazine market with its blend of extreme images and graphics and its commentary on the weird and unusual around the world. It's a pop culture explosion. You can also catch Lynn on the cover of AVN's September issue and Hustler magazine's November cover, making three consecutive monthly covers...a rare feat for any model. According to Lynn, "I love the timing of all these covers. My favorite one is probably the Hustler cover, but this Bizarre cover comes very close."

WE TOLD YOU ABOUT IT FIRST...

Well, we at adultstarsnews.com received an advanced copy of Wicked Pictures' "Jonathan Morgan's Space Nuts" a while back and told you that it was worth checking out In fact, we told you that it was pretty darn funny...and that we expected ALL of Jonathan's comedies to come up to the standards set by this release. Well, now you can see what all the fuss was about. Wicked Pictures will be officially releasing "Space Nuts" in deluxe, specially packaged two-disc DVD collectors editions and specially packaged two-tape VHS sets this Tuesday, September 30, 2003. The special edition features a running time of over three hours, ten full sex scenes, and a cast of over twenty adult performers. Hey, if you ever wanted to get your money's worth, this just might be the one on which to spring your jing. The advance reviews have all been fantastic, and we liked it too, so what more can we say? The least you can do is give it a look.

WHEN PORN CHICKS GET POLITICAL

First, there was Mary Carey putting the hurt on my head with her ongoing "political" nattering. Apparently feeling left out of the loop, BisexualBritni, has written a long, rambling screed about "the Arabs." Too long and about as easy to understand as one of the Unabomber's missives to reprint in full here, let's say that, sure, every porn chick has a right to her own opinion, but...Well, here's a highlight: "The Arab world, from those who perform suicide bombings to those who support them financially to those who support violence tacitly with their silence, seems to be pulling civilization down a hole that mankind has been in before. The difference is that nuclear weapons were not that readily available in the Nazi era. God help us if we take as long to stop the Arab assault on civilization as we took to stop the Nazis." Uh, Brit, nuclear weapons weren't "available" until after the Nazis were defeated. And on and on she goes, paragraph after paragraph, one unsubstantiated "fact" after another. Yikes. Now, if I want to know about proper swing club etiquette, Britni might be just the person to consult. For tangled geopolitical ideology that stretches back centuries, I might look for other resources. But thanks, Brit. You did provide an entertaining read. Maybe you and Mary Carey should focus on the upcoming presidential elections. Oh, but then neither of you meet the age qualifications...yet. Hang in there.

Michael Louis Albo
mike@adultstarsnews.com
or
j45guitar@aol.com

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SEPTEMBER 26, 2003

BUNNY RANCH IN CENTER OF LACI PETERSON TRAGEDY

Most business deals are conducted in law offices and fancy high-rises. Now they're being closed at Dennis Hof's world-famous Moonlite Bunny Ranch. We've all been following the tragic story of Laci Peterson, the young mother-to-be who was brutally murdered and whose mutilated body and that of her infant son were found in San Francisco Bay. The prime suspect at this time is Laci's husband, Scott Peterson. The news has been tabloid fodder for months. Among the many players to have made appearances in this sad show have been Amber Frey, allegedly one of Scott Peterson's mistresses. Amber, who made a tearful statement or two to the press and has been cooperating with authorities, still remains an enigmatic figure to a lot of people. With the release of 27 nude photographs courtesy of David Hans Schmidt via his website schmidtysworld.com, Ms. Frey will, perhaps, be a little bit less of a mystery to us. According to his website, Mr. Schmidt, went on the hunt for some "skin" shots of Ms. Frey as soon as she held her first press conference and came up with what he sought, complete with model releases. From there, it was a tour of the offices of the major men's magazines including Hustler, Penthouse and Playboy, but, with the Internet, Schmidt felt the time was right to go out on his own and created www.schmidtysworld.com. The new site will be hosted, served and maintained by Erotica.com. The deal between Schmidt and Erotica.com was signed at Dennis Hof's world-famous Moonlight Bunny Ranch brothel in Carson City, Nevada, which is rapidly becoming the hub of many a breaking news story. As a last-minute incentive to seal the deal, Erotica.com covered the expense of an hour-long sex party for Mr. Schmidt with Penthouse Pet and adult film icon Sunset Thomas and "highest-paid hooker in the Free World" Air Force Amy. For David Hans Schmidt's story told in his own words, and a glimpse at those Amber Frey photos, go to www.schmidtysworld.com.

"Dennis Hof, owner of the world-famous Moonlite Bunny Ranch brothel, oversees the signing of the deal between Erotica.com and David Hans Schmidtover nude photos of Amber Frey with Sunset Thomas, Air Force Amy and Rayveness in attendance."

SHE'S A NEW WOMAN NOW

World famous adult film star Sunset Thomas has been at the center of some Internet speculation that her longtime relationship with world-famous Moonlite Bunny Ranch brothel owner Dennis Hof is on the outs. Perhaps the confusion is a result of Sunset's recently finalized divorce with ex Zack Thomas (real name, Liam Fowler). The story of their relationship, as related by Sunset, is not a pretty one, and has a certain irony in that she spent many a tortured year hooked up with what Sunset calls a "suitcase pimp" only to find independence and confidence with America's most notorious pimp. Here are some of the highlights of our conversation.
Q. You've described your ex-husband as an abusive, manipulative pimp.
SUNSET THOMAS: When I was 17 years old, I was just a baby and all I wanted to do was regular modeling. So we went out to LA, we got married and money was tight, time was tight. We had a mattress, sleeping on the floor, eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches...Then he was, like, "Let's go make a porno movie together." At the time, that really wasn't on my mind. He's the one that pushed me off into doing that. As time went on, I started enjoying what I was doing. But, at first, he put a lot of pressure on me to do it because the money was quick and fast.
Q. What was your life like on the road?
SUNSET THOMAS: As I started getting a little more popular and started featuring on the road, he would travel with me and it was like he was always constantly putting the money right away into his pocket. I'd be, like, "What did we make tonight?" And he was, like, lying to me and telling me we were making less than what I was because I would secretly count it up in my mind when I'd give him the money for each dance and stuff and I knew he was pocketing a lot of it. I mean, I'd be sick. I'd be down with pneumonia and we'd be out featuring and instead saying, "Let's get you to a hospital; let's make sure you're okay," he'd have a big trash can behind the stage, I'd dance, run backstage, throw up into the trash can and he'd push me back out onstage to do another dance. I was like, "What about my health? What about me?"
Q. Can you tell me about the videos you made when you were pregnant?
SUNSET THOMAS: I didn't even want to do those. When I was pregnant, I wanted to get away from it for a while because I was...pregnant. But he was, like, "We need the money really bad. You gotta do this, you gotta do that." So I did pregnant layouts. Pregnant videos. I did some videos with him, but I wouldn't work with other guys because I had my kid in me, I was pregnant, you know? I did some girl/girl stuff and things like that, but it's not something I particularly wanted to do when I was pregnant, but he made it seem like the money tough and that's what needed to do.
Horror stories?
SUNSET THOMAS: When we'd travel on the road, Zack would stop at truck stops and say, "I want you to go knock on this trucker's go and go in there and fuck him for me." And I"m like, "I don't want to do that." It scared me to death. nd then we'd get into these huge fights. One time we on vacation in Florida and I was in the bed asleep--and I sleep naked--and I heard a noise. I woke up and there were about 10 guys sitting around the bed and Zack wanted to have each one of them fuck me while I was asleep and he got mad because I woke up and freaked out because there were a bunch of guys in there. We got in fight for a couple of days over that because I wouldn't pretend like I was asleep and let a bunch of guys fuck me. He'd do things like that, or hide in the closet while some guys would fuck me.
How's life with Dennis Hof?
SUNSET THOMAS: Dennis taught me how to be independent. My ex-husband was always telling me I was dumb. I was stupid. I couldn't survive on my own. He [the ex-husband] made Sunset Thomas. You'll go downhill if you leave me. Things like that were constantly drilled into my head and since I met him when I was a baby, I was very scared to go out on my own. He [the ex-husband] programmed that into my head.

BABY DOLL PICS SIGNS TEANNA KAI

Word is out that Baby Doll Pictures has just signed Teanna Kai to a six picture deal. According to our good bud Gene Ross at adultFYI.com, Baby Doll Pictures' owner Kevin Beechum was quoted as saying, "Teanna's always been one of our favorite performers. She's very popular with the fans and store owners alike." For her part, Teanna says of the arrangement, "I've always enjoyed working with K-Beech [Baby Doll Pictures' parent company], they're very good to me." Also announced along with the signing was the news that Baby Doll Pictures would be shooting a feature titled "Teanna Kai's Perfect Pink." The movie will have as a highlight a throwdown between Gina Ryder, Reilly and Joelene. It should be noted that as part of her new contract with Baby Doll Pictures Teanna Kai will only be performing in girl/girl scenes. However, she also wants it understood that she "only performs hot, hot scenes." As if there were any other kind, baby.

LEEANNA HEART STARTS NEW VIDEO LINE

I was supposed to call her before 6 pm EDT, but I didn't get the e-mail until way too late. You'd think a chick who was once my "ex-wife" could feel free to just pick up the phone and call with a matter of such urgency, but you know the go, go, go life of girls on the road. And, so, the lucky guys at adultFYI.com get the scoop before we do. It seems that Ms. Heart has formed her own production company, but hasn't exactly settled on a name for it just yet. Maybe Desired Heart Productions, but that's just a maybe. Leeanna's just finished shooting her first feature for her new venture, titled, tentatively, "Trading Hearts." The movie, a full-fledged feature, includes the required five scenes: two boy/girls, a single girl, and a girl/girl. The movie also has a rather involved story line. As I mentioned in an item over a week ago, I have a cell phone number for the ever-traveling Ms Heart and have made a vow to call her and to do an interview with her. Time being tight these days, I just haven't had the time to carry through and give her the time she would require. However, Leeanna and the rest of you, please, rest assured, it will happen. And within the next several days. Scout's honor.

Michael Louis Albo
mike@bunnyranch.com
or
j45guitar@aol.com

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SEPTEMBER 25, 2003

WHO'LL BE THE NEXT TO FALL?

It's been a tough year for the print end of men's entertainment with magazines folding and their employees drifting off to God knows where. Even well-established publications have been seeing their share of woes from Penthouse on down. Now the New York Post reports on the fall of Screw magazine, the weekly tabloid published by Al Goldstein. Screw, whose difficulties have been the source of Internet gossip for weeks now, has been on newsstands for just short of 34 years. With the Post report, it looks like all the rumors about Screw and its publisher were true: alleged cash-flow problems, the company's eviction from its Manhattan offices and the missed publishing dates of the last two issues of the tabloid. Even "Midnight Blue," Goldstein's public access television show is off the air reportedly because the company hasn't paid its bill to Time Warner Cable. According to the story in the Post, Goldstein has said he'll find a way to publish Screw again and return to the airwaves, but admits neither will be easy. What can we tell you that most of you don't already know? Times are tough all over.

VANDALIA IN HIT-AND RUN ACCIDENT

Porn star Vandalia, about whom adultstarsnews.com recently reported an item regarding her recent engagement at the world-famous Moonlite Bunny Ranch, narrowly escaped serious injury when she was struck by an automobile while riding her bicycle. According to Wayne C. Lewis at adultFYI.com, Vandalia was out for a little afternoon exercise on her bike at the corner of Kitridge and White Oak in Reseda, California, when she was struck by a station wagon that threw her from her bike and just kept going, leaving the porn star with bruises and contusions. Vandalia later told Mr. Lewis, "I'm fine. I'm just pissed off." While cycling is a great way to keep fit, so is not getting plastered by a car, of which there are many in the greater Los Angeles area. May we suggest walking? On sidewalks? Just a thought and we at adultstarsnews.com wish you a speedy recovery.

SINEPLEX'S "HARDCORE CLIMAX #2"

From the publicity desk of Sineplex Entertainment comes this announcement: "Sineplex Entertainment will release the second installment of the all-anal line, "Hardcore Climax.' Three double penetration scenes are the signature of this hardcore series shot in St. Petersburg and Los Angeles. The hottest porn sluts from two continents take it hard and deep from some of the biggest swords in the business. "Hardcore Climax #2' features Sharon Wild, Morgan, Sabrina, Nira, Veronika and new comers Tracy Trixxx and Britney Speers. "Once again, Sineplex comes to the plate with an all out fuck fest.' Said Sineplex Spokesman Owen Pierce. "We have seven girls who understand what it means to take two for the team.' "Hardcore Climax #2' also features male talent Jack, Exzaveir, Juliano, Jamacia and Steven French. This is the second double disk DVD offered from Sineplex Entertainment. The second disk contains pop shot loops as well as fetish menu and picture galleries plus a whole lot more. "Hardcore Climax #2' will hit store shelves on October 1, 2003. "Hardcore Climax #1' is currently available and features top adult super stars Jewel De'Nyle, Michael Stefano, Venus, Chandler, Nicole Sheridan and many more. A trailer with box art is available at, http://www.sineplex.com/html/dvd_info_hardcore2.htm
For more info on "Hardcore Climax #2' please check out: www.sineplex.com. For sales please contact Dean Sussman: (866) 487-9925 or dean@sineplex.com. For public relations please contact Travis Nestor: (818) 994-9009 or travis@sineplex.com

DENNIS AND SUNSET SITTIN' IN A TREE....

Okay, for the past few weeks there have been all sorts of rumors floating around the Internet that Dennis Hof, owner of the world-famous Moonlite Bunny Ranch brothel and his significant other adult-film superstar Sunset Thomas are splitting up. Nothing could be farther from the truth. In fact, Sunset just gave me an exclusive interview regarding her recent divorce from Zack Thomas, and I'm just getting started transcribing it now. This is something you don't want to miss. I like to think I've pretty much heard it all by now, but after I got off the phone with Ms. Thomas, I had to go check for some new gray hairs. There are some pretty harrowing tales about her life with Zack. I guarantee you will not want to miss this one, so be sure to tune in, log on, or do whatever the hell it is you do to get on to adultstarsnews.com tomorrow and check out all the details.

Michael Louis Albo
mike@adultstarsnews.com
or
j45guitar@aol.com

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SEPTEMBER 24, 2003

WHEN THE REAL NEWS GIVES YOU A HEADACHE...

The cleanup operations in Iraq. Tension throughout the Middle East. Violent conflict in Africa. And don't even get me started on the local news right here in Los Angeles. Sometimes you just need a break from it all, and where better to find hollow respite than in the no-consequences pages of tabloid journalism? Usually the home of such earth-shattering news as Julia Roberts' latest heartbreak or Robert Downey Jr.'s most recent relapse from rehab (or, if you're into the really wacky and read the World Weekly News, the current whereabouts of Batboy, the patriotic half-bat, half-boy mutant). Now comes the September 23 edition of the Globe which is running a feature article written by Peter Trujillo about an attorney named Ron Miller that may be of interest to the readers of adultstarsnews.com. Why would a story about a lawyer be of any possible interest to our readers? Well, it just so happens that Mr. Miller is the real name of porn dude Don Hollywood who, along with his significant other, Brooke Hunter, have made careers for themselves in the world of adult entertainment. (For the record, Mr. Miller still practices law...no sense in giving up a good thing after all.) The Globe piece, titled "Disorder in the Court," covers all the ground you would expect in, well, a men's magazine: jealousy, the porn "lifestyle," Viagra and life at home for the featured couple. Hey, we all need a break from the real news some times, don't we? Find the Globe at supermarket checkout lines everywhere.

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GAYWATCH, SEPTEMBER 23

Yesterday we discussed Alec Metro and the gay rumors swirling around him. Today, my former assistant at Hustler Erotic Video Guide, and now one of the funniest guys on the Internet, Scott Fayner of lukeford.com was knocked for a loop when a reader wrote in with the burning question as to whether porn icon Peter North performed in gay porn before he did straight porn, and, if he did, indeed, serve time doing gay porn, was he "gay for pay, or was he just gay?" Scott's reply? "Your only question should be, "Why am I watching gay porn?'" Good one, Scott. All that booze has apparently not damaged your thought processes...yet. However, Scott then went on to drag my name into the mess. Yes, I did have several public feuds with Peter North or Matt Ramsey as he was known during his award-winning days as a gay performer. Scott also mentions that Pete's sojourn into the world of pansy pics "came and went" before Scott's arrival on the scene. They predate my arrival too, but copies still circulate. Whether North/Ramsey was "gay for pay" or just plain old garden-variety gay, seems sort of beside the point. The real point here is why heterosexual guys watch these movies. Is it to look at guys or to look at girls?

FREE PLUGS FOR ALL!

We here at adultstarsnews.com are nothing if not generous with the free plugs and promotions to all our pals on the Internet. That's why we'd first like to direct your attention over to Gene Ross and Wayne Lewis's new venture, AdultFYI. It's what therealgeneross.com has now become. Now I know some of you "purists" have been grumbling a little bit, but remember, some folks did the same when Bob Dylan went electric...and then he came out with "Highway 61 Revisited" AND "Blonde on Blonde." I have a feeling these boys are on to something and advise you to check them out. And while we're handing out freebies, from AdultFYI, comes word that porn slut Avy Scott is getting her website going at www.avyscott.com and is giving away some free pictures. Interested? Of course you are. Click over and check out NSGALLERY1 or NSGALLERY2. Thanks both to AdultFYI and to avyscott.com.

THE THINGS YOU HEAR ON THE RADIO

Comedian Joe Rogan of TV's "Fear Factor" and "The Man Show" was on Howard Stern's radio show having it out with a former Sin City Entertainment contract girl who was using the name "Crystal" on Stern's show. For all of you porn fans keeping notes, according to AdultFYI's Gene Ross, "Crystal and her twin sister "Jocelyn" were under contract to Sin City under the names Taylor and Tyler Starr. They have recently left the adult business. On Stern's show, Crystal said of Rogan, "He was my first one-night stand." And wouldn't you know it? She became pregnant as a result of their tryst, although she had an abortion after six weeks. The whole episode took place several years ago when Rogan was working on the TV show "News Radio." At least that's what I THINK happened. Sometimes, these Stern interviews can be hard to follow. However, Stern, always one for probing for the most intimate of details, got down to the real nitty-gritty when he asked about "protection," and discovered that a condom wasn't used during the encounter. Employed was the old "pull-out" method and the hook-up happened in a dressing-room trailer. Very romantic. Well, when the need arises, you work with what's available, am I right? There were a lot of differing opinions and memories of the event between the two parties with Crystal claiming that Rogan was only her "second" guy, and Rogan disputing that claim. "He was my first one-night stand," Crystal told Stern. All-in-all, for that unholy hour of the morning, it was gosh-darned entertaining radio. And pretty good advice for all of us guys who, stuck without a condom and with a willing woman, pulling out doesn't always work. A little wriggler can always sneak through and next thing you know, you might be on the hook paying for a medical procedure or 18 years of child support. Have your fun, but be smart about it. Just some friendly advice from your pals at adultstarsnews.com.

Michael Louis Albo
mike@bunnyranch.com
or
j45guitar@aol.com

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SEPTEMBER 23, 2003

YA DON’T NEED A WEATHERMAN...

The Internet rumor mill was in full grind last week when gay XXX star Lexx Parker revealed that he and Vivid Video’s straight contract boy Alec Metro had broken off a long-term homosexual relationship. From the dust cloud that swirled around this revelation, you’d have thought the world had stopped spinning on its axis. Funny thing. Several years ago, when your humble adultstarsnews.com reporter was editing Hustler Erotic Video Guide, he made a throwaway comment about Mr. Metro in some little trifle of a video that went something like, “Alec Metro does a fine impersonation of a heterosexual in this movie.” Hey, I thought it was a funny line and was an accurate description of the mincing walk, the lisping words and the feminine, hand-on-hip stance of Mr. Metro. Alec didn’t think it was so funny and left me a series of early morning phone messages that were just speed-freak tweaky enough to cause me to save them so I could play them back to some of the other folks with whom I worked at the Flynt Tower. Without going into detail, Metro’s messages were disjointed attempts to be threatening, but which were delivered in a half-whigger/half-flit voice that was genuinely funny. My colleagues didn’t agree and advised me, just to play things safely, to send copies of the messages to the Human Resources Department which then forwarded copies to the Beverly Hills Police Department and LFP’s legal representatives. Mr. Metro was then served with a restraining order forbidding him to come anywhere near me. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but buried in Alec’s messages to me was this gem: “Albo, I think of YOU now when I’m doing my pop shots.” In light of last week’s revelations, that little statement takes on a whole new level of meaning. Sorry, Alec, I’m flattered, but I’m also 100% straight. But thanks for the thought.

NOTES FROM THE UNDERGROUND

Rob Zicari, whom most of you might know better as Rob Black, has been facing down the Feds these days...and, in the process, becoming one of the best-known pornographers in America. So is he down, depressed and bitter? Here’s his latest press release, verbatim. You be the judge. Are these the words of a man who feels hell-hounds on his trail? From Rob: “Not a huge amount of shit to update you with, had a photographer, some high profile chick, come in today and scoop out locations at the office because Monday she's doing a photo shoot for the Details Magazine story. Don't know what she has in mind, but she wanted to shoot us in our natural setting. So the photo shoot will go down Monday. Should be cool. Also, next week I'm doing an interview with the local CBS news program who is going to do a story on the case. Think I'm sitting down with him Wednesday. Then, we just got word that 60 Minutes wants to do a piece so were supposed to talk with them this week about firming up times. I guess they have been working on a story about the industry since January. It was going to be one episode on their show, now with the court thing, they'll expand it to two parts. I figure I got all my talking shit down pack for these interviews. Hopefully everything will work out. The first batch of DVDs will be hitting the streets October 16th. They will be Fuck Pigs 1, Cocksmokers 30, Wax That Ass Special Edition, and Cocksmokers 4. I'm looking forward to hearing peoples take on the new worked DVDs. Other than all this shit I've spewed, there's not much more to tell. Talk to you guys later...”

SO YOU WANNA BE A ROCK AND ROLL PORNO (EXTRA) STAR?

Come on now. Be honest. You’ve tried taking your shot at all those reality dating shows and have been rejected time and time again because you lead an alternative lifestyle or have a “unique” look? Well, don’t give up the ghost yet, buddy-boys and buddy-gals. There’s always porn. Evolution Erotica is looking for extras to appear in non-sex roles in Guy Capo’s new movie, “Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll.” The guidelines? You must be at least 18 or older. You must live in the greater Los Angeles area. Your look should reflect the “rock and roll lifestyle.” You should be a “high energy” person. If selected, you must be able to provide two forms of legal identification. If you think you’d like to audition, e-mail your name and a photo Webmaster@EvolutionErotica.com.

BRITNI WINS FAN FAVORITE AWARD

She may have retired, but that hasn’t stopped the BisexualBritni juggernaut. Think of her as some sort of unholy cross between one of the zombies from “Night of the Living Dead” and porn chick/California gubernatorial “candidate” Mary Carey. Britni isn’t going anywhere. At least not for the moment. We at adultstarsnews.com congratulate her on her win at this weekend’s InternetModelPalooza Convention where Britni scored the 2002 Rog Reviews award for Best Adult Starlet beating such well-known performers as Jenna Jameson, Tera Patrick and just about every other name star which you can catalog. You never can tell about these things, can you? Which just goes to show you, nothing’s ever a lock in this business. At least this one doesn’t seem to have been bought and paid for in advance. Check out Britni’s site at www.bisexualbritni.com.

Michael Louis Albo
mike@adultstarsnews.com
or
j45guitar@aol.com

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SEPTEMBER 22, 2003

SO, WHAT HAPPENED?

Some of our more perceptive readers may have noticed that we've been down for the past few days. We at adultstarsnews.com apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you. We were experiencing some “technical difficulties,” and we don't have one of those cool old TV test-pattern signs with the Indian head to run when we have problems. Sorry to have left you in the dark.

KAYLANI LEI INTERVIEW

Fresh from her successful personal appearance tour of Hawaii, Wicked Pictures’ contract chick Kaylani Lei took a minute out of her hectic schedule to sit down and talk with adultstarsnews.com.
Q. I understand you've been in Hawaii doing some signings and personal appearances. Years ago, as a freelancer for a certain low-rent men's magazine, I was sent to "The Big Island" to cover a similar event with a couple of early '90s porn squinks. They did signings, but they also worked in these live-sex booths where guys would, uh, "relieve" themselves and “frost the glass” if you catch my drift. A very sleazy scene. I somehow can't imagine a Wicked Pictures girl in a setting like that. May I assume your visit was a little more "upscale?"
KAYLANI LEI: Yes, absolutely! It was all mainstream. I did an appearance at a high-end nightclub to promote the signing, and I did a radio interview during drive-time. In addition to that, I did an autograph signing at an import car show. It was really nice: a packed stadium full of people!
Q. You have a very exotic look. What's your ethnic background and where are you from originally?
KAYLANI LEI: I am Filipino, and I was born in Singapore. I lived in Ireland while I was 14, and then moved to the US.
Q. Every girl in the business has the standard "I LOVE sex!" line, which may be true, but just like anybody else who has a beloved job, there are just some days you just don't feel like working. How do you deal with that when it happens...or has it?
KAYLANI LEI: I haven't had an occasion yet where I haven't been into it. Either way, whether the sex is great or not, I always have fun on set.
Q. What made you decide on the adult entertainment business as a career?
KAYLANI LEI: I've always enjoyed posing nude, and since I did my first shoot, I knew it was something I loved to do, and I wanted to pursue it as a career!
Q. What's your favorite perk of being a certified, bankable, major-company contract star?
KAYLANI LEI: The marketing: Having a great name [Wicked Pictures] backing me up, and being with a company that is so well-known and respected. Also, I feel we put out the best videos, and I love our boxcovers. Everyone here at the company is wonderful.

MARY CAREY SHUT THE FUCK UP, PART 23

Let’s all pity poor, poor Mary Carey around whom it seems a good portion of the adult entertainment industry is now rallying because she was exposed for the know-nothing-about-politics, publicity-seeking porn squidge that we already know her to be. Now, understand me. There's nothing wrong with trying to get a little press, and certainly nothing wrong with using politics for attention grabbing. After all, the American political landscape is littered with charlatans, mountebanks, frauds and just plain-old Goddamned liars. What's getting under my skin these days is all the dust being kicked up in the wake of Mary's televised interview with Sean Hannity. Hannity, a man whose views are at odds with all the “freethinking, free-speech-supporting” people in “our business” asked Carey, a woman who is seeking the highest office in the state, what, to my mind anyway, were some legitimate questions, and she stumbled. Hard. Because of that transgression, a lot of people are castigating Hannity and painting Mary as some poor, defenseless waif. Thank goodness for my young friend Scott Fayner at lukeford.com who isn't having any of it. Scott recently ran a typical letter of support for Mary from Phil Freeman, Managing Editor of High Society magazine. Mr. Freeman writes “When I interviewed Mary, we talked about the Extreme Associates case, and she knew exactly who John Ashcroft was. She brought it up and mentioned him by name, in fact. So maybe Hannity spooked her and threw her off her game. I wouldn't doubt it. Having to talk to that brass-skulled nimrod would fluster me, too.” I hate to break this to all of you who so dearly love adult entertainment, but while you're all sitting at home whacking off to the latest XXX releases, there are everyday people who have been out of work in the state of California for months now and haven't been able to find anything yet except a handshake, a smile and a “Sorry, we're not hiring right now.” In cities like Santa Ana, California, there are families sleeping six to a room in substandard housing. In some of the impoverished cities south of the Santa Monica Freeway, the average life expectancy is well below the national average. The life expectancy on some of state's Indian reservations is even more appalling (contrary to what the many in the media would have you believe, not every tribe is rolling in casino-generated jing). The next time you’re in Los Angeles and visit the Staples Center, drive under the 110 Freeway on Olympic Boulevard and check out the homeless encampment there. A little Hooverville straight out of 1933. While it’s certainly a drag what Rob Black and Lizzie Borden are facing, there are weightier matters affecting far more people in this state, so, please, one more time, will everybody just shut the fuck up about Mary Carey? Meditate on this bit of wisdom from Woody Guthrie: “One bright sunny morning in the shadow of the steeple/By the Relief Office I saw my people/As they stood hungry, I stood there wondering/If God blessed America for me.” (This later became the song “This Land Was Made For You and Me.” It was, it is and it will be...but let’s try to keep things in perspective and not make a mockery of them, okay?)

FOR A RETIRED CHICK, SHE GETS AROUND

Maybe I misread “retarded” for “retired.” Maybe I hallucinated the whole thing. As I’ve written, this insomnia problem has thrown me between two vastly different worlds each with its own distinct reality. I even went to see my kindly doctor about the trouble and he offered to write me a prescription for Valium...with three refills no less. However, with one who has a known destructive appetite for products like this, I had to tell him no thanks. (Besides, Valium’s a drug for chicks, gay dudes and pussies who won’t cross the Great Divide into the Realm of Junk.) I don’t think anybody’s actually died from a lack of sleep. Anyway, I don’t think so, but I’m sort of afraid to research the subject. But I‘m drifting from my moorings. Baby Blowjob would NEVER be this unprofessional, no. Then again, he’d never be this fun either. Where else but adultstarsnews.com can you log on to witness the daily unraveling of the human heart? I’m talking about myself, not the author of the following missive which comes directly from the desk of the retired/retarded/whatever BisexualBritni who writes: “I will be in LA this week, from Thursday, September 18th though Monday, September 22nd. My itineracy is listed below: Friday night: I will be live and on the air with my good friends and colleagues at KSEXRadio.com. I will doing live sex acts of some kind, but do not know who I will be doing yet. I am still hoping it will be Katie Morgan, one of my favorite girls in porn. The show usually starts between 7 and 8 pm PST and you can count it will be worth listening to and/or viewing via the live cams. After the KSEX show, I will be headed for the hottest swing club in LA, or possibly the country, LACouples. I will spend all Friday night at LACouples looking to hook up with hot couples and bisexual girls. The action at LACouples is always hot and happening. Saturday night: I will be making a guest appearance at a huge event called InterNet Model Palooza. This event will host some of the hottest and best known adult Internet actresses in the world. Ron Jeremy, a personal friend of mine, will be the MC. This event is open to the public and you can read about it and purchase tickets by clicking or following this address: http://www.internetmodelpalooza.com/ I would love to see some of you there. I will be signing photos and posing for Polaroids. I will even have some of my ultra hot, Max Hardcore movies/DVDs with me that you may purchase and have me sign. This all will take place at Score's Gentlemen's Club located at 2065 S. Santa Fe Ave. in downtown LA. At some point, I will have to leave InterNet Model Palooza to attend LACouples, once again. I simply cannot be in LA and not hang out in the largest and best thought out swing club I have ever seen or attended. If you want further information about LACouples, please go to http://www.lacouples.com. Any members of my site, couples or bisexual girls who would like to meet me at Internet Model Palooza or LACouples can simply call me at 303-520-4412. Unfortunately, I will not be able to access single men into LACouples as the club is designed for couples and ladies only. Any couples who would like to meet me either for dinner or for any of the above mentioned events, make sure your girl is the one that calls me. As a rule, I require first contact with couples to be initiated by the female half. This rule is steadfast and unnegotiable. I will have with me, a new girl I have been dating off and on, named Stacy. Wait until you see the tits on this girl. WOW. Her and I make a wonderful couple and we look forward to meeting some new friends.”

BREAKIN’ HEARTS IN SOUTH FLORIDA

Self-centered and selfish bastard that I am, I have been trying to revive a soul grown numb if for no other reason that I may find something--I have no idea what it might be--that I’ve lost along the way. In my recent conversations with an intermediary for XXX star Leeanna Heart, I was sent her cell phone number and invited to give her a call. Through this series of e-mails, I sensed that Leeanna was still a bit upset over some long-ago porn swill from the pages of Hustler Erotic Video Guide, I was more than a little hesitant to call her up. I mean, what was I supposed to say? I hadn’t spoken to her in years anyway. Her benefactor, though, sent me a message and asked if I’d called her yet, and since I had already said I would do just that...I put it off for a while longer. To tell you the truth, the more I thought about it, the more it started to throw the fear on me. I don’t know why. Leeanna’s a little-bitty thing. Not very intimidating at all. In person she always struck me as sort of vulnerable, or as vulnerable as a girl in this business can be. So after pacing around the loft and finding one pointless thing after another that absolutely needed my immediate attention, I called her figuring it was late enough that I‘d get her voicemail and I could just leave a message to set up an interview at her convenience and leave it at that. Surprise. She answered the phone apparently somewhere on the road to some dancing engagements in south Florida. We had, I think, a nice conversation, but I’ve been known to seriously misread chicks in the past, so one never knows. She sounded well, though, and we made arrangements to do a phone interview in a few days after she gets settled into her bookings. I have a feeling that a life on the road can be lonesome and a real bitch. Sort of like a ‘60s honky-tonk weeper only with guys tossing money at you and no keening pedal steel guitar. For those in the area and wanting to check out her shows here’s the rundown for Leeanna’s two-week Florida run: This week, Leeanna will be appearing from September 17 through September 20 at T’s Lounge in West Palm Beach, 312 S. Congress Ave., West Palm Beach, (561) 471-9530. Call for show times. Next week, Leeanna will be appearing at Tootsie’s Cabaret from September 22 through September 27 in Miami. Tootsie’s Cabaret is located at 19839 N.W. 2nd Ave. in Miami, and their phone number is (305) 651-5822. Go to http://www.thefloatingworld.com/leeannaheart.html for show times. Leeanna also wants to let her fans know that on September 23 she'll be making a make a live in-studio appearance with Dr. Johnny and Platypus on their Internet Radio show, “The Smut Doctors.” Info can be found at http://www.smutdrs.com.

Michael Louis Albo
mike@adultstarsnews.com

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SEPTEMBER 16, 2003

ADULTSTARSNEWS.COM: ONLY THE “BEST”

Our colleague D.U.C. has been hard at work these past few days working out what seems to be, at first glance anyway, some sort of deep-seated psychological fixation with yours truly on the setGO.com website. On Monday was a long series of disjointed e-mails titled “The Best of My Mike Albo Correspondence.” A Greatest Hits package if you will, but buyer beware. The “hits” only cover the past few weeks. I suppose if you want the truly fun and psychotic, you’ll have to go searching through the Internet’s past. I’d wager if you look hard enough, you’ll be able to find something of interest. Better still, was the headline proclaiming that adultstarsnews.com had one entertaining front man. Namely, me. Titled “A Peak [sic] Into the Mind of Porn’s Best Writer,” the piece was essentially the lead item from September 12th’s post about how girls can be so mean to each other. That’s cool. I’m as vulnerable to flattery as the next guy. But then along comes some guy named Abraham Berg to kill my happy-happy-joy buzz. Abe writes to D.U.C.: “If Mike Albo, excuse me, Michael Louis Albo, is the ‘best’ writer in porn, how is it that he's been exiled to some whorehouse website? He swallowed his pride and went begging for a job from AVN when HEVG folded, and Paul Fishbein wanted no part of him. Paul chose Tim Connelly who also wants no part of Albo or what he has to say. In fact, AVN, the standard-bearer of our industry, has recently demonstrated that they would prefer to hire actual porn stars as writers and commentators over ‘writers’ like Albo. What does that tell you? More importantly, from what I understand, there were positions available at LFP when HEVG folded and none were offered to Albo. Another ‘writer’ you've praised, Allen MacDonell, has found himself in the same position as Albo. Funny how Albo and MacDonell thought they were so smart for all those years and now they're out in the cold. Nobody with any sense will have anything to do with them, and the true supporters of our industry, guys like Tim Connelly, Paul Fishbein, and the rest are doing just fine. Oh, and even Jim Holliday, who suffered years of abuse from the poisonous comments of MacDonell and Albo, just had a successful signing at the Hustler Hollywood store. I wonder when Larry Flynt will be inviting his two former gunslingers for such an honor? From what I know of those of two losers, they'd probably snub a wonderful man like Larry Flynt who's sacrificed so much for our industry.” Well, Mr. Berg, it seems like you have all the answers, so anything I might say will do nothing to change your mind. All I can do is offer up these lyrics that were popular with “losers” after the Civil War (oh, and the “this fair land land of freedom” phrase I use as a metaphor...duh: “I am a good old rebel, that is just what I am/For this fair land of freedom I do not care a damn/I'm glad I fought against it but I only wished I'd won/And I don't want a pardon for anything I've done/I can't take up my weapons and fight 'em now no more/But I ain't goin' to love 'em now that's certain, that’s for sure/And I don't want no pardon for what I was and am/And I won't be reconstructed and I don't give a damn.” So, are we all clear on which side of the line I stood and on which side of the line I still stand?
DIGITAL G INVITES YOU, NOT YOUR INHIBITIONS
From the publicity desk of Digital G, Director of Talent and Marketing Robert Lombard announces his company’s sixth release, “Casino Sex” starring Wendy Divine, Syren, Ava Vincent, Nakita Kash, Chelsea Blue, T.J. Hart, Olivia Saint, Dale DaBone, Eric Masterson, and Herschel Savage. Shot in the neon wilderness that is Las Vegas, Nevada, “Casino Sex” has something for every appetite: two girl/girl scenes, a threeway, a single-girl scene that mutates into something with a little help from some friends, an orgy and the requisite butt ballet. “Casino Sex” will hit the streets this week in both VHS and DVD formats and will be exclusively distributed by Dave Paterson of Scarlet Tower. For more information, contact http://www.creativeimagemgmt.com/digitalg.html.

“JUST BECAUSE I COVERED MYSELF IN OIL AND POSED NAKED...”

First it was the supposedly long-forgotten Oui Magazine interview in which California gubernatorial hopeful Arnold Schwarzenegger bragged about gang-bangs and made references to “fags.” Lately it’s been his refusal to say or do nearly anything in public unless it’s been as carefully scripted and staged as one of his Hollywood blockbusters. Now comes this interesting item about how Arnold “unwittingly” ended up in a gay porn flick. The quotes from Barbara Outland Baker in the New York Times (or as someone alleges Arnold’s National Socialist dad to have called the paper, The Jew York Times): "When you are as famous as Arnold was with his body, you have women throwing themselves at you. I watched homosexuals try to seduce him. I watched women try right in front of me. One filmmaker included him in a previously undisclosed gay porn movie. This fellow Kent asked Arnold's permission to use some footage of him for a movie, a documentary. So Arnold, trusting enough, said, ‘Sure.’ All of a sudden, he found out that Kent had used it as a vehicle in a homosexual pornography movie using Arnold's posing footage, so while he's doing his routine you've got your gay audience self-gratifying themselves.” Now do we Californians really want a governor who is so easily duped into appearing in a gay porn movie? Believe me, I know plenty of stupid people, but none of them are that stupid. Even Mary Carey can’t be that gullible...but then, she’s a porn chick and I’ve yet to meet one of that tribe that’s been easily had unless they’ve been a stone junkie.

A WORD ON PORN PRESS RELEASES

Guys, gals and hard-working XXX publicists the world over, may I make a brief comment regarding porn press releases? First, I love ‘em. I run ‘em as you well know. In fact, I beg for them. However, could some of you kind folks spare a few greasy shekels and hire some starving college kid to write the things for you? Trying to read some of these missives and make sense out of them is like trying to lace up a pair of Chuck Taylor high-tops in the back of a Ford Econoline van doing 95 mph down a gravel road in the dark with a head full of junk. It can be done, but it isn’t easy. So, please, spare a thought for us poor web drones who just want to crank out the porn news without busting a blood vessel in the process.

Michael Louis Albo
j45guitar@aol.com

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SEPTEMBER 15, 2003

VANDALIA PLUGS THE BUNNY RANCH

Vandalia, porn squidge and True Life roommate of Felicia Fox and Tim Case appeared on the couple’s KSEX show, Lust for Life, to talk about her engagement at Dennis Hof’s world-famous Moonlite Bunny Ranch brothel. Vandalia is scheduled for a return appearance that will begin on September 25 and will end on October 2. Describing her initial run at the Ranch, Vandalia had this to say: "I had so much fun. I can't believe I got paid for some of the things I did." You can also add Miss V to the list of folks who count Dennis Hof as one of the best guys in the adult entertainment business for whom to work. "He's a big party guy and he wants everybody to laugh," she started. "He's all about laughing. He loves comedy and he had this Labor Day party at his house. He has this adorable sheep dog named Domino. If you saw the way he acts with his dog, everyone in the world would be in love with him." Vandalia also stressed that Dennis is not the stereotype of some inner-city pimp from a bad ‘70s movie. "He's not like, ‘Bitch, go get me some mon-nay.’ He's more like, ‘Let's make some money, honey. Is there anything you need? How can I take care of you? What can we do to make this good for you?’ He's that kind of guy." Then again, yours truly has been telling you that for months now, but since I won’t have sex with you for ANY amount of money (and you’d have to be straight out of your mind to even think of wasting your jing so foolishly in the first place), why would you listen to me? That said, you HAVE to get up to Dennis Hof’s world-famous Moonlite Bunny Ranch. Give ‘em a call at (775) 246-9901.

RON JEREMY NAMED INTERNETMODELPALOOZA M.C.

The past few weeks have been exceedingly odd for one Mr. Ron Jeremy with allegations of, well, let’s just call them “improper behaviors” until some actual facts are presented. However, this being the adult entertainment business where most sins real and imagined are pretty much immediately forgiven--except for telling the truth or tweaking the noses of them that truly pull the strings--because this is, as we all know, just “one big, happy family,” Mr. Jeremy saw things turn around for him a bit this week when the Metro contract star was named the official Internetmodelpalooza Festival Master of Ceremonies, the details of which adultstarsnews.com covered pretty extensively last week, so check the archives. Good job, Ron. And it wasn’t too long ago that Jason Sechrest was shrieking that you needed to be ousted from “our” industry. Every once in a while somebody gets their shot of salvatiion. Looks like yours has just been poured, so drink up. It’s apparently on the house.

WE GET OUR LETTERS

“Green Latern” writes in concerning some long ago (and I presumed forgotten) stories from Hustler Erotic Video Guide concerning Leeanna Heart. To tell you the truth, I was pretty sure that most of that magazine’s readership just looked at the pictures and never read the copy. Look how wrong you can be. From Green Latern: “...I read the fake interview & the
real interview that you did in HEVG (had the issues until last year when someone stole my movies & magazines out of self-storage while I was moving). There was even an article (fake, I presume) that you & Leeanna got married (she looked dynamite in that blue sequin dress) & then divorced (also fake, I presume). So my first question was about the behind the scenes happening there & then who came up with the idea for the "marriage??" Part two has to do with an article that appeared to have been written by Sid Deuce (now attributed to you, though Leeanna believes Serenity wrote it) about purported drug use. Why did that story come about?? Where did Sid get her facts?? I'm asking because no one has EVER set that record straight and it negatively affected Leeanna's career for a little while.”

Well, here’s my reponse as already sent to the Green One:
Wow. That covers a lot of ground and it all took place such a long time ago. I'll do my best working from a faulty memory. The whole "feud" and fake interview came about after setting up several interviews and then having them canceled a day or two after they were scheduled. Or something like that. I just remember that we really up against some serious deadlines and needed to get some copy in to go along with the photos we had already laid out, so I came up with this dopey idea to do a completely fake interview using a composite of every self-absorbed, self-centered and over-worked porn chick I'd ever met. Unfortunately for Leeanna, the Wheel of Fate spun and the pointer landed on her name. If I recall correctly, there was a disclaimer buried somewhere in there. The "marriage" thing happened when I ran into her agent up at CES not long after. We had been pals for some time, and he told me that Leeanna was "upset" and her feelings were hurt. I kind of felt bad and went over to speak with her and a photographer friend was there and got some shots of her and I talking and we started clowning around and, again if I remember this correctly, she grabbed me by the throat (but was laughing while she did it). Both of us being dressed up sort of formally, when I got the proofs back, they looked like wedding pictures to me, and it just seemed like good opportunity to pull a goofy hoax...and then wait a few months and run a "tragic" item of how things didn't work out. Now, onto the drug thing. You might recall a story that was reported beyond the adult press...well, at least as far as, say, Howard Stern's show, about Leeanna's mysterious disappearance, and all sorts of weird stuff. I called her agent to see what was up. He and several others who had been working closely with her had mentioned that she was having some difficulties with certain substances. Serenity was never involved in giving anybody over at LFP any information in this matter. Sid was never involved other than having her name on the department head. All the information came from inside sources who, because I still use them from time to time and because I gave my word that they'd have anonymity, will have to remain nameless. However, they are all very reliable. All I can really say is that this is a tough business for everybody who chooses to make a go of it, and you have your ups and you have your downs. Believe me, pretty girls like Leeana are always going to have a benefactor or guardian angel to eventually step in and help them out. The negative results you mentioned apparently only lasted "a little while" which, I think, sort of bears this out. Anyway, I hope she's doing well. If you're in contact with her, please give her my best. Oh, and be sure to tell her I enjoyed her appearance on "Da Ali G Show." That was some funny stuff. Sorry I couldn't be more accurate with all this stuff, but, like I said earlier, this is all from such a long time ago and my memory isn't what it used to be. I haven't thought about this stuff in years. For what it's worth, I hope it helped. (Oh, and for the record, Leeanna Heart has an open invitation to contact me at my e-mail address to promote anyhing she’d like or to do an interview or whatever she’d like...I sort of feel like I owe her one if she’s still hurting after all this time. And thanks to Green Lantern for bringing all these ghosts out of the attic.)

E.U. OUT TO BREAK WORLD SEX RECORDS

From the publicity desk of Erotic University (which has a terrible football team, but an okay baseball team) comes the following press release: “Los Angeles, September 12th- Erotic University, which presents online and live sexuality classes in Los Angeles, has declared October "National Orgasm Month." As Erotic University president Jeff Booth points out, it is a natural fit, as ‘October is the only month with a big O in it.’ To help celebrate National Orgasm Month, Erotic University will be host to two attempts to set orgasm related world records. On October 19th, Erotic University is hosting Pleasure Sunday at their downtown campus, where the record breaking attempts will be made. The first attempt will be by "Professor Pleasure," Ken X. Ken is staging the worlds largest simultaneous orgasm in order to promote his newest self hypnosis pleasure CD, ‘A Girl’s Best Friend,’ available through mentalpleasure.com. He will be teaching a group of female volunteers his "touchless orgasm" technique. The goal is to give the women such a level of control of their sexual enjoyment that they will be able to climax on cue. Women interested in learning this technique and participating in this record breaking attempt are invited to contact Jeff Booth at jeff@eroticuniversity.com The second attempt will involve several participants who will attempt to beat the standing record of 134 sequential orgasms, recorded by Doctors William Hartman and Marilyn Fithian at the Center for Marital and Sexual Studies in Long Beach, California. Participants include Dr. O, who has developed techniques to teach women how to achieve multiple orgasms. Both Dr. O and Ken X [Names, we suspect, aren’t the ones to be found on their birth certificates. —Ed.] will be teaching orgasm related classes at Erotic University during the month of October. A complete schedule of classes can be found on the EroticUniversity.com Web site. Other upcoming classes include Swinging 101, Introduction to Tantra, What Really Happened in the Garden of Eden: What the Bible Has to Say about Sex, Sex Toys Master Class, Mastering Fellatio, Pole Dancing, and our popular Robert Dante series on bondage and discipline. This event will be open to the public, and features exhibits, vendors, entertainment, demonstrations of adult products designed to promote orgasm, the opportunity to speak with top experts on the subject including several notable Ph.D.s as well as Erotic University instructors and adult stars, an erotic art gallery featuring top erotic artists, and a tour of the 30,000 square-foot facility which also houses Entertanium Studios. Entertanium has been called the largest adult studio in the world and has been the location used by many of the top adult video companies. For more information on attending the Pleasure Sunday event or participating as a vendor, exhibitor, or entertainer, visit the PleasureSunday.com Web site. For interviews with Ken X or Erotic University President Jeff Booth, call (818) 342-7566. Contact: Jeff Booth(818) 342-7566 or jeff@eroticuniversity.com.

Michael Louis Albo
j45guitar@aol.com

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SEPTEMBER 12, 2003

GIRLS CAN BE SO CRUEL

Another sleepless night which brings the grand total to about 90 hours now. I’ve definitely crossed over into an alternate reality. Is the black homeless guy who perches at the entrance to the MetroLink Red Line from dusk ‘til dawn a vampire or a fallen angel? He doesn’t speak to me, but he gives me the once-over like I’m meat for the beast or some lower species awaiting Judgement Day. As the Rastamen say, “Soon come.” Yeah, and he carries a trumpet. Thankfully, he’s chosen not to blow...yet. Everything’s getting so, well, floaty. Back in the loft, for some reason, I keep playing Charlie Rich’s “Mohair Sam” and the Rolling Stone’s “Hand of Fate”over and over like some obsessive-compulsive. That and cleaning the toilet. To be honest with you, dear readers, those of you who know me realize that I’m not easily fazed, but I’m starting to freak myself with each successive breath. In other words, I’ve got the fear and it’s laid its hand firmly upon my throat. I couldn’t even handle the thought of plowing through the pages of today’s edition of the Los Angeles Times what the coverage of the deaths of H-Bomb daddy Edward Teller and German filmmaker Leni Reifenstahl [Obviously, these columns are written a day or two in advance of their posting on adultstarsnews.com. —Ed.]. Instead, I buy one of those big-print, all-the-news-you-really-need papers the lead story of which is the remarkable finding that junior high achool girls can be “incredibly mean to one another.” In the parlance of the ‘tweener tribe, “Doi-ee.” Sadly, this ground-breaking report failed to mention how many chicks never break out of this mindset. Must be some sort of female defense mechanism. Or maybe Kipling was right: the female of the species is deadlier than the male. While I thought about this as I watched my new pal Quan, an elderly Chinese man, do his morning Tai-Chi to the rising sun and, when he finished, paid my respects with what has become another early-moring ritual by sharing a bit of conversation and ending it with a mutual bow of respect, I headed home to see what the electronic mail had brought. True to the news report that you girls can sometimes exhibit a mean streak, the first message I opened was from “grlXXX69” who wrote to me: “What is the deal with Tera Patrick? This cunt claims to have been a Ford nodel or something? Yeah, right. Take a good look at her. The tiny, undersized head. The Jiminy-Cricket-Meets-Tojo features. The over-inflated porn slut boobs. Even a slag like Jenna Jameson looks good next to Tera Patrick. Are all the guys drooling over these two whores just stupid or do they just have bad taste?” Uh, don’t ask me, honey. Both Tera and Jenna are way out of my league. Although I will say the “Jiminy-Cricket-Meets-Tojo” line had me laughing out loud. I wish I had thought of it first. You girls can be staggeringly evil-hearted.

SYREN CASTS HER SPELL

One of the bad things about hanging around this business for longer than, say, oh, six weeks, is that the names and faces all start to blend together and if you don’t see a girl on regular basis, chances are, you might forget who she is. This can be embarrassing. This happened to me just the other day when I interviewed the lovely Syren. I had been contacted by her agent and agreed to speak with her. For some reason, I thought she was a brand-new girl. Don’t ask me why. I’m a dope. Syren called me, and we got to making the usual small talk and I found her to be a very pleasant and witty girl, and then she dropped a bombshell on me. She mentioned that she had been an “observer” at Wickd Pictures’ “Flashpoint,” a movie that’s at least five years old and in which I had a tiny, non-sex role as, of all things, a priest conducting a funeral Mass for a fallen firefighter. I think I even spent some time talking to Syren for the story I wrote for Hustler Erotic Video Guide. To her credit, Syren didn’t rub it in and make me feel like some sort of absent-mided professor on a porn bender. Here are the highlights of our conversation...

ON MAKING THE TRANSITION FROM PRINT MODEL TO XXX ACTRESS

SYREN: I’ve always been an exhibitionist. I’ve always liked posing. It was big leap to making movies, but it was just the natural course of things. I didn’t really plan on anything. I asked my agent if it was okay for me to observe a shoot to see how it was done and see what went on and I went down to watch Wicked Pictures shoot “Flashpoint.” It was very exciting for me. I had some experience in the mainstream as an actress, but not in adult. I watched the girl/girl scene beween Jenna Jameson and Brittany Andrews. There were some things they did that didn’t make it into the final cut. They did some peeing stuff that, back then, was a non-no. I was like, “Oh, my God!” I was really shy back then.
WHAT’S THE CURRENT SYREN STORY?
SYREN: Actually, my latest movie with Digital G just came out. Digital G is a company that was started by Robert Lombard and the latest mvie is called “Club Fantasy.” Right now, I’m busy promoting that. I’m also spending a lot of time on the road feature dancing and doing the whole dance tour thing all over the U.S. and Canada. I’m also busy shooting features while I’m on the road dancing.
ANY LATE-BREAKING CAREER NEWS?
SYREN: The latest developments in my career is crossing over into late-night cable movies for cable channels like HBO, Spice, Cinemax and those types of networks. It’s very exciting for me. It signals a new stage in my career and my life and it’s really great. Their shows have acting and stories, but the love scenes are really, really hot. Lately there seems to have been a lot more acceptance of girls from the hard-core adult business crossing over than there used to be and while the cable shows are R-rated and there’s no hard-core, we can bring more passion into the love scenes and make them more believable because we don’t have the same kinds of inhibitions that maybe a more mainstream type of performer might have. I’ve shot over a dozen features like these in the last 20 months, so you should catch me in one of them if you’re up late. The one that’s showing now is “Confessions of a Porn Star.”
WHAT DO YOU REALLY NEED TO KNOW ABOUT SYREN?
SYREN: I’d really like to emphasize my connection with Digital G and the movie “Club Fantasy.” Right now, we’re in th last stages of putting together a movie that stars me and Ava Vincent, and that will be coming out in October. The title for that movie is “Secret Sins.” I’m also feature dancing and I’d love to have my fans come out and see me when I’m on the road in their area. And, of course, let’s not forget my website. It’s www.syrenspell.com.SHAKE YOUR HAIR, DARLING....UH, AND CAN YOU SPREAD YOUR THIGHS?
This from the publicity desk of Internetmodelpalooza: “Sat. Sept. 20th @ The Score Club Los Angeles. Meet Over 150 Top Internet Super Models and Adult Stars, Saturday September 20th at The Score Club In Los Angeles. Meet Teanna Kai, Alexis Amore, Jessica Jaymes, Sabrine Maui, Lolana, Jade Hsu, Ayana Angel,Charmane Star, Dayton Rains, M The Doll, Ayana Angel, Tina Toy, Alaura Eden, Holly Hollywood, Tiger Lily, Phelanie Angel, Ciera Sage, Naughty Eve, Rah Channell, Tia Kai, Tina & Trina (Twins), Chanel, Lucy Lee, Catalina, Melissa Ashley, Summerluv, Tomo ,Devynne,Tammy Hai, Meca,Destani,Gina Obsession, Nulicious, Lana Li, Kat, Mia Fox, Candi, Eve, Tia Kai, Ariel Rose, Ciera Sage, Phelanie Angel, Suzanne, Loni, Ginger, Rio, Shauna Ko, Sugar,Mia Fuji, Aki, Melissa Ashley, Monica, Avena Lee,Cashmere, Twinkie, Marcela, Kitty, Susan St. John, Kat, Kira Tang, Sandy, Rio, Kayla, Nikki, Yoko Fuji, Linda Winn, Yan Yan, Ming, and many more live and in person! Internetmodelpalooza features the hottest internet supermodels, DVD , film, magazine, TV stars, and exotic dancers on earth! They will be meeting fans, signing new 2004 calendars, posters, magazines, DVDs, videos, CDs, 8X10s and Polaroids and performing live on stage. There will also be prize give-aways, lap dances, couch dances, go-go dancers, continuous live burlesque performances, a live lingerie fashion show by www.forplaycatalog.com , a live bondage show, a laser show, and a bikini and wet t shirt contest. Internetmodelpalooza, Saturday September 20th from 8 pm to 3 am at The Score Gentlemen's Club. The Score is located at 2065 South Santa Fe Ave, Los Angeles, CA 90021-2930. Call 323-588-8898 for more information. Bring Your Camera! (Still only, no video permitted.) Everyone 18 and over is invited. For more information about Internetmodelpalooza including pictures of many of the models attending, picture galleries from all
past events,free streaming online movies, VIP tickets and online door-to- door maps to the event, visit Internetmodelpalooza.com www.internetmodelpalooza.com.” From the sounds of the names of the various “supermodels” listed, Vietnam vets are advised to attend with extreme caution. Those flashbacks can be extremely unpredictable. JUST LIKE

ANN COULTER’S BLUES

It just doesn’t stop. Those of you with normal jobs must think we who cover the “porn beat” must have it made. Well, let me tell, you, sweetie, it’s not all sunshine, money-shots and hot babes. I told you about my date with that mysterious Hispanic Ann Coulter clone last week, and now she won’t leave me alone. Trust me. I am NOTHING special. Those who know me will confirm this. Plus, that phone call from the Lovely Lynda really put the tweak on me for me some reason. And then there’s the real “little woman” whom I hardly get to see these days now that she’s back teaching school and working on her doctoral thesis. So these “real world” women have me all fucked up in the head...if the insomnia weren’t enough. So in the words of the Georgia Satellites, I offer all the girls in my life these lines because I‘m too tired to write my own right now : “You got me tied down with battleship chains, 50 foot long and a two-ton anchor/Tied down with battleship chains, 50 foot long and a two-ton anchor/I can’t move my heart to love nobody, to love nobody but you/You got me tied down...” Oh, mercy, what is happening to me?

Michael Louis Albo
j45guitar@aol.com

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SEPTEMBER 11, 2003

MY LATEST RAMBLE

I can’t sleep and so rather than disturb my neighbor with the high and lonesome wail of my mandolin or the tunes of old on the guitar or, mercy forbid, actual recorded music, I leave the loft and wander the streets of downtown LA. This is, admittedly, a dicey and pretty stupid proposition, but only by taking these risks do we learn things. Today, I learned from a homeless guy that I wasn’t looking my usual dapper self. At least not to him anyway. “Hey, Big Man,” he croaked from the bushes at the corner of Hill and Fourth Streets. “You wanna look like the Cryp’ Keeper? You need to lose some weight!” He laughed so hard he pissed himself. And I thought it was just the crappy bathroom light giving me this gray pallor. Of course my recent quest to awaken what feels like a deadened spirit has led to all-night Rosaries down at the one of the Missions and a vow to not cut my hair until things turn around which, I guess, coupled with my thrift-store “granny-glasses” has given me a sort of Ben-Franklin-Meets-The-Living-Dead appearance. At least that Hispanic Ann Coulter clone liked my tie last week. After turning the corner and heading up Fourth Street, I run straight into a deer. That’s right. Smack in the middle of the city is a deer grazing on the city’s landscaping efforts. The lack of sleep has left me a bit punchy, so if I were given to the hippy-dippy mystical side of things, I’m sure I would have taken it for some sort of spirit guide and followed it, but I figured I’d better get a cup of coffee at Starbucks instead as it was almost 5:30. Good move because just as I turned away a Porsche Boxster took the corner too fast and just mangled the poor thing. City life’s tough. Especially on those creatures not born too it. The Boxster got mangled too, but I checked on the driver and she was okay, already screaming to somebody on her cell phone, “I just hit a deer! Did you hear me? A fucking deer!” as Bambi lay quivering its last in the middle of the street. A fucked up way to start the day. Until...AMY

LEANNE PRIEN PAYS FOR HER SINS

“Meth Mom” Amy Leanne Prien could face life in prison following her conviction of second-degree murder of her son with an alleged meth-laced dose of breast milk. It’s the first conviction of its kind in the country and I’m sure a lot of readers are probably saying, “Yeah! That tweaker bitch deserves it...and more!” Now, hold on. What happened to rehabilitation? Is Amy beyond redemption? Does anyone believe that she won’t be haunted to the grave by baby ghost lips suckling at her teats? And what drove Amy to drugs in the first place place? Fun? Most serious dopers I know aren’t locked into the habit for pleasure. There’s a deep, black pit in their souls that can’t ever be filled and whatever drives it—sadness, sickness, madness, despair, hopelessness, neediness—is a monster that can never have its fill. Kids? Fuck ’em. The monster needs to eat. Family? Fuck ‘em. The monster needs to eat. I’m just a burden on them anyway. A job? Fuck it. The monster needs to eat. You know how long it’s been since anyone’s even given me a fair shot or a decent wage and benefits? The calendar may read 2003, but in a lot of respects it looks more and more like 1933. Lets show a little mercy on Amy Leanne Prien and say a mournful prayer for her son while we remember these words from American songwriter’s Stephen Foster’s Hard Times Come Again No More: “There's a pale drooping maiden who toils her life away/With a worn heart whose better days are o'er/Though her voice would be merry, 'tis sighing all the day/Oh, hard times come again no more.”FRIDAY FOR FUN TIMES

WITH THE SWAMI

Just got this press release that might lift everyone’s spirits a bit. On Friday, the Sports Swami will host three guests sure to generate some goofy porn entertainment. Max Hardcore protégée Catalina and Pleasure Productions’ contract chick Krystal Steal will join heavyweight boxer Gerald "The Jedi" Nobles for a full hour of anything-goes fun. Catalina will pontificate on topics as diverse as anal sex to her recent appearances on such mainstream “reality” dating shows as “The 5th Wheel” and “Blind Date.” Steal is rumored to be ready to discuss the rumored feud between her and Pleasure’s other big contract star Gina Lynn. Of course, “The Jedi” will also be on hand to supply some patented trash-talking, a specialty of the 21-0 heavyweight contender. Sounds to me like a good way to end the week. Check it out this Friday, September 12, on Body Shots and Money Shots, 1 p.m. EDT on www.cyberstationusa.com.

MY APOLOGIES

First, sorry for the draggy tone of today’s column. It seems everyone close to me is seriously ill, recently dead, too far away to be of any comfort, I’m experiencing a temporary cash-flow problem due to some unexpected bills, evil temptation lurks around every corner and ghost fingers keep giving me the freezies up and down my spine. Second, as I explained to you when I came aboard this site, I am a TOTAL tech idiot. I cannot post my own columns to save my own life and although I’ve been writing them, I’ve been unable to get them up on the on the site. I hope this will be corrected any day now. Once again. I am a moron...but, then, the more more perceptive among you already know that, so, in the words of the late, great Chick Hearn, “No harm, no foul.” I hope. Thanks for your patience and forbearing.

Michael Louis Albo
j45guitar@aol.com
(Oh, and Happy Birthday to Tiffany Diane Thompson...You Grew Up Too Fast, Sweetie, And It Breaks My Heart.)